Rhymes and Ramblings

Shadows

2012-02-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

Shuttling through
darkness
no light at the end of this tunnel
yet
hurtling past destinations
blurred images of the past
Destined to be left behind

Unknown faces stare out
and when the train slows
they come knocking at the window
a flicker of recognition dawns
looking into their eyes,
reflections of the persons they were once
shadows of old friends

Familiar places
stop by her door
garishly lit
meant to be inviting
but only serving to highlight
the messy roads
littered with rags of ragged memories

Surrendering to
the warm web of words
from the unturned page of the novel
and woven from strains
of a melancholy song
tired of singing its happy tune
over and over again

Not alone in her journey
but surely lonely
distracted by a fancy story telling
lost in the same singular song
creating a cocoon
a safe soundless haven
body heading home
mind escaping to a fantasy

Tomorrow is different
waking up from an unreal reality
to life
that rarely travels in a line
she will try to move off the beaten track
but she will soon make her way back
on life's circular track
this time she may wave back at the staring faces in the window

Second Wish Upon A Star

2012-01-23T07:51:00.001-08:00

Golden is the colour of the night bathed in lights
Of the dark tarmac shining under headlights
Golden is the dream I dream of you in the darkest of nights
Of your smooth words whispered in my ears before far "Goodnights"

Golden is the last intoxicating, swirling sip on my fingertip
Golden the warmth that spreads to every end, every tip
Golden, the liquid luck that gives my heart fillip
Golden, even the white lies that spill from your lip

Golden is the carpet in which I curl my toes
Golden the courage that fills me as I reach up to you on tiptoes
Golden butterflies aflutter within me as you bend low
Golden the soulful strains of a song so slow

Golden the starlight from the star I wished upon
Golden the face of the curious moon trying to catch on
Golden the binds of the curtain that unfurl
Keeping our secret safe.

Wish upon a star

2012-01-08T10:45:00.001-08:00

The intoxicating smell of cigarettes
Electric sounds of your fingers against the guitar
Looking into the glass in my hands
The swirling liquid like golden lights on a dark night
Words & giggles, laughter and silliness
This isn't me, not what I do
Good Sense, to thee I bid adieu
Take another sip to wash away any regrets

Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight
Looking up at the sky wistfully
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Oh please, make my wish come true tonight
Light breeze, curtain aflutter
I gaze out the window, singing to myself
Sometimes wishes made upon a star
Do see the light of day

Dream or drunken mistake or worse, neither
Now, awake and aware, befriending Nonchalance
Unwinding, like a stuck cassette,
Dim and hazy, that night I cannot forget
Detailed and clear – the memory
I just don’t want to forget
But that's all it'll remain
It'll be a secret, between Silence and I

"Eh... What's up, doc?”

2011-12-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

If I asked my doctor THAT he’d probably say, “Well, seems like your fever, again. Blood pressure seems normal, though...” Sigh!

You know how we all, always, complain about the illegibility of various physicians’ handwritings? Yeah, well, indecipherable writing isn’t the only thing that’s plaguing our medical professionals. Along with, Handwriting 101, there is a desperate need to introduce a refresher course on “Subtlety, Soft Skills and Sense of Humour” in the syllabus of medical courses.

Why? I’ll tell you, why!

Case in point: My X-ray reports that showed nothing out-of-the-ordinary, except for this one glaring statement that claimed “Subject’s lungs are unremarkable.”

UNREMARKABLE? Really, now?! They could’ve said “Subject’s lungs function perfectly well”, or “Subject has normal lungs that do what they should do just fine”. Instead, they call my diligent, well-performing lungs, UNREMARKABLE. The thoughtlessness of it all!

And, what does it take for lungs to be deemed “remarkable” by the medicine people, anyway? Will pumping out oxygen to the rhythm of ‘Why This Kolaveri Di” do the trick?

As if it wasn’t good enough that my lungs, despite not having any visible medical defects, was qualified as unexceptional, my doctor, rather unkindly informs me that I have “small veins”! Did you even know there was an optimal size defined for blood carrying vessels? Well, I didn’t. You can just blame it on the education system (or, maybe, I was absent the day they taught this in science class). So, anyway, after the doctor had pronounced my veins “small” and nonchalantly walked off, I began my outrage:

“Small veins? SMALL veins? Small VEINS? What does that even mean? SMALL VEINS? And, how could he just say it quite like that and walk away without so much as a thought to my feelings? For people who are supposed to be life-savers, doctors can be so heartless.” (I’m not usually so dramatic. Getting overly emotional was one of the side-effects of the medicines I was taking at the time. Really.) “He could’ve just said I have delicate veins,” I suggested.

Mom who was glued to the newspaper and only half listening to her unwell daughter pointed out, “Delicate implies that you have normal-sized veins that are err... umm... fragile.” Whose side is she on, anyway?!

“Fine, petite, our-injections-are-too-big-for-your-fine-blood-vessels,” I continued brainstorming.

“The needles of injections are uniformly sized – there’s no such thing as a big injection,” came the wise interjection. Again, pick a side, MOM!

Weak me grumpily grumbled, “No such thing as BIG INJECTIONS, but I can have SMALL VEINS. HMPF!”

Mom, finally looked up from the paper, and kindly suggested, “How about this: Your veins are too fine for the standard-sized needles?” Hmm, that could work. Mommy could even deliver that S3 refresher course, maybe!

Well, to be slightly fair (I have recently stopped taking those pills that make me over-sensitive, so now I can be fair to people...), all that medical jargon crammed into their brains must hardly leave any space for Standard English words. Like, take for instance the cute intern who came to check-up on me (or maybe he was curious about the small-veined girl. Maybe, there aren’t too many of us. Maybe, I’m a relic for these intern types). He cutely stood there, rocking back and forth on his heels in a most un-doctor-like-manner, as the nurse checked my temperature. 102 degrees, she blandly informed McCutie. (My fever had learnt NOTHING from Sachin Tendulkar!)

And, then he knowingly nodded and muttered, “Yes, every bacterial infection has its own unique manifestation.” And, in my medicine-muddled-mind all I could think is “Wow. Sigh.” It was only after the effects of the mind-dulling tablets had worn off that I realised all he was trying to say is, “Dudette, I haz no idea why your fever won’t go away, yo!”

And, in another shining example of how doctors and their patients clearly speak different languages though it all sounds like English, is the time I tried to joke with my doctor about my illness-induced-weight-loss. Always the optimistic one, I proudly told my doctor, “Well, Doctor, I seem to have lost 5 kgs!”

Without looking up and while still scribbling in his only-slightly-legible-scrawl, he said, “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll gain it back. If your weight has been around one area for a while, it will tend to go back up.”

Mind screamed, “Whaaaaa... is he implying that I was fat?!” Face assumed calmness, though a nervous giggle escaped and I quickly replied, “Oh no, Doctor! I’d rather not gain back the weight I lost. Instead, I’d rather lose some more! I mean, I wouldn’t want a relapse or anything. But I could shed a few more kilos. Hehe...”

Doc looked at me with seriousness in his deep-doctor-eyes and said, “A relapse has nothing to do with weight loss,” and he proceeded to give me a lecture on regular exercise and maintaining a healthy diet. Too late to add, “LOL, just kidding, doc!” right!

Anyway, after the lecture on merits of eating “only home-cooked food for the next one month” had ended, it spiraled into a sermon on the merits of “resting well”. I took this as my cue to enquire about when it would be a good time for me to return to my 10-hour-work + 3-hour-daily-commute schedule. I diplomatically ventured, “So, Doctor, how many days of rest do you think I need before I can get back on my feet?!” (See, what I did there. Real smooth. Something my doctor could learn from me. The art of subtlety. Yes.)

Automatic response: “10 days at least.” A pause. Close peering over doctor-glasses happens. Then, “You’re in college, right?”

I blush. I giggle. I respond. “Err. No, Doctor. I’m a working professional.”

Back to scribbling, automatic response: “Oh, ok, in that case 7-8 days rest!”

Well, there’s no rant here. I’m just flattered he thought I was still in college and that makes up for the tactless “small veins” remark. Good save, doc, good save!

Ghosts of her past

2011-10-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

A hidden key, a rusty lock,
Unused and abandoned,
But still right where she had left them,
Just like the ghosts of her past

A withered flower
Hidden betwixt pages
Of a dog-eared diary
On which were scribbled words
Describing emotions she can no longer summon

A faded picture
In a worn out frame
Hanging on a colourless wall
Captured in a candid moment
A recollection she would rather forget

A clock quite dead
Upon a mantlepiece
Its quiet digits betraying a time
Beyond her memory
Its life had continued without her

A few words of love
In a yellow letter
With a hint of romance
The resilient prose had stayed,
Keeping the promise their maker had disregarded

A solitary teardrop
A lonely descent
That disturbed the dust
Which had rearranged itself
To cover bygone tracks

Imprints of a home that once was
Tell-tale signs in obscure corners
Of a life that once was
The forlorn room
Lit by the rays escaping through the broken window

Shattered panes
Shards of glass
Held together by each other
She dared not move them lest they cut her
Instead she smiled at it and a million reflections smiled back
Just like the ghosts of her past!

Finally...

2011-02-22T08:48:00.000-08:00

Surreal night,
Odd sense of peace descending,
Burying all worries,
Was it denial?
Or finally, acceptance?

Weightless,
And hurtling through space,
Following an infinite golden light,
Was it goodbye?
Or finally, a homecoming?

Breathless,
Heart a-flutter,
A gasp and a sigh,
Heavy eyelids,
Was it fatigue?
Or finally, tears?

Fumbling fingers,
Flowing words,
Stumbling thoughts,
Was it gibberish?
Or finally, meaning?

2011-02-08T20:34:00.000-08:00

In that moment her sunglasses were her best friends.
Tainted emotions that on her heart heavily weighed,
That her treacherous eyes betrayed
Behind purple tinted glasses lay entrapped.

Only hidden, not overcome
Out of sight but choking her mind
Escaping the only way they could find
Through soft tears that hard frames couldn't stop

She freed her hair from its rigid restraints
And she let the wind blow them all out of place
Hoping it would hide her streaked face
As the hurt and pain also fled their confines

He glanced at her in the rearview mirror
And he spied the tears through the futile disguises
And briefly he wondered at what her past comprises
But the mirror could only reflect her tears, not their cause

He realised it wasn't his place to judge or cure,
His only duty was to drive
And hope that she would survive
So he didn't ask why or where but just focused on the road ahead...

Fool for you!

2011-02-01T20:38:00.001-08:00

Oh! What woe we cause ourselves
Over finding love that is forever and true
We fret and fawn, meddle and moan,
Turn into varied shades of red,green and blue!

For every time we meet a boy
Who is gentle as the moon
And bright as the sun
Our heart goes into a swoon
And our mind screams "He's THE ONE"

Every good deed is magnified
And flaws (if any) are vilified
Hellbent on discovering our soulmate in disguise
We turn to our superpower to over-analyse

"He maybe jobless
and without a wage
But he's trying so hard
to turn a new page
He's so smart
and his thoughts so sage
But he looks so boyish
like he's just out of college
What, oh, what must be his age?"

"There's this guy on my mind
as I write a sappy ditty
Gasp! He hates Titanic,
only the-greatest-love-story-EVER! The tragedy! The pity!
But he makes me laugh more than F.R.I.E.N.D.S,
Sigh.. he's so charming and he's sooo witty
I think I may have a crush on him
(But just itty-bitty)
So what if he's from another city?!"

"He's just so perfect, he's just sooo right.
We're so good together we just can't fight
He's so talented, he can even cook
Whipped up a gourmet meal and fed it to me by candlelight
Then he strummed his guitar, sang me a song he'd written
Sigh! what a wonderfully romantic night...
But this was 8 hours ago,
should I call him or wait? Oh what a terrible plight!"

"So he's the love of my life but it's complicated
And he's unlike any other guy
He notices things & remembers stuff
He's kind, thoughtful, sensitive & shy
He brushed my shoulder, touched my hand
And hugged me for THIRTY seconds as he said goodbye
Well, he's kinda committed but that can't last
He likes me too - said it himself & he can't lie
Oh Good Lord, why won't you cause his girlfriend to die?"

Wily and wise
In love we become otherwise
Usually composed and cool
How do we turn into such romantic fools?

Liberation

2011-01-26T12:20:00.001-08:00

She lay there, slightly a-flutter
Reluctant to take the leap and fly
He held her in his boyish hands
And with virgin thrill threw her to the sky

She quivered & she shivered
As the indifferent wind chilled her spine
She sagged back and rested limp where
On the walled terrace, she knew she'd be fine

Worried yet eager, he ran toward her
As if knowing she wanted to be reassured
And he whispered to her confident words
As if knowing he could be heard

Gingerly he released her heaven-ward
And once again firmly tugging, guided her flight
Cajoled, she let the breeze carry her
Cruising, coloured & tasselled, she was a pretty sight

She was gliding, slowly climbing higher
With scaling height, her confidence grew
Overlooking the world, meeting clouds
Buoyant, higher & higher she flew

He caught her eye, as he floated in languor
Majestic as he challenged the skies
And the wind changed course
A karmic conspiracy in disguise

Soon they were eye to eye
They flew side by side
Entangled, they were a riot of colour
She was oblivious to all, except that ride

And then, she was freefalling
Uncertain if this was real or imagined bliss
With the same wind, once her ally
Pushing her down to an uncertain abyss

As her paper body was ripped by thorns
She came to realise that she had
Fallen in love but fallen from grace
Stripped of glory, how could she still feel glad?

He had callously let her plummet
He had brutally cut her strings
But in her fall she was more free
Than she had been in her rise to fame...

Invaluable

2011-01-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

Like the pair of stilettos,
that once adorned her resilient feet,
lending them grace and softness...
As she stood in them,
tall and straight,
the world looked up to her
and she stared back at life,
a smile on her lips and challenge in her eyes...

They had walked with her through the mundane,
and when she danced her happy-dance,
they tapped in rhythmic joy,
and when she sat on the cold floor,
with her knees pulled close to her chest,
they caught her salty tears...

Now they lay in a forgotten corner
fighting age as it tried to steal their glory...

Like the ornate wrist watch
that once hung loosely along her wrist,
kissing palms that were garralous with destiny.
Always her steadfast companion,
not begrudging her for all the good times it was ignored,
for it hated being a villain like the clock
that struck 12 in cinderella's story.
So it would try to stop its steady advance,
Failing always, merely a puppet strung by fate...

It was always the first thing she turned to,
when she awoke blue and dazed,
in the midst of a blue night...
Now sitting atop a dusty cabinet
Rusty and unmoving...

Hands almost meeting but not quite,
it was always almost-12...

Looking at these old objects
She smiled in memory at their little conspiracy,
that night 13 years ago,
when atop a terrace with lights that outshone the million stars
she had twirled and spun and swayed to an endless tune
till her faithful pair of high-heels gave way,
sending her falling into his arms
and as he broke her fall and cradled her shaking body
her watch in a heroic act, froze in motion,
forever preserving that pure moment...

Old now, worthless they lay
But as long as they brought that playful smile to her weathered face
They would forever remain invaluable!

Defenseless

2010-11-24T22:30:00.000-08:00

Throbbing temples,
Untamed thoughts racing inside my mind,
Trying to break the fences,
Like wild horses kicking up a storm...
An unruly force that won't let my eyes close
Tearless and thoughtful, unblinking eyes
I lie awake...
And wonder...

Wonder about the vague promises you sketched
That my fertile mind converted to colourful masterpieces
Tripping over your artful words
My heart travelled to exotic dreams
Lost now, it weeps
As my brain returns to the black and white sensibility
There's no bright hues to distract
And no gray to tolerate..

The defences that you disintegrated,
With promises that weren't etched in stone
And dreams that weren't bound by a silver ring,
Are up again...
My mind screams,
"You're a million-dollar scam on the front page of a tabloid"
"Bad news," my heart agrees...
"But so hard to ignore," it quietly adds
Smiling now,
Knowing full well it will weep again at another's words

Sonnets of Strife

2010-08-28T03:34:00.000-07:00

I would've loved to name this one "Love And Other Disasters" :P

Delicate shoulders shaking,
Eyelids quivering,
A heart-quake is what struck her,
Crumbling the walls of laughter...

A volcanic eruption,
Out of control emotion,
Reason is hard to find,
As ashes of anguish cloud her mind

A tsunami of tears,
A flood of fears,
A drought, feelings devoid,
Disasters even destiny couldn't avoid...

She stands on shores, a battered mass,
Littered with broken glass,
Shattered memories of a surreal past,
Numb now, to a love that couldn't last..

Don't leave her now, I beg of you...

You're like the moon that dispels her dark doubts
Whose gravity can calm the unruly waves of her life
You're like the wind that carries away her shouts
Whose gentle lilt can turn into sonnets her cries of strife...

Castles in the Air

2010-08-11T22:06:00.000-07:00

She rested her head on her silky, cool pillow,
In her lavender room, now bathed in an orange glow..
She invited sleep as she laid and curled,
Coz her dreams were more real than her real world..

She wore ribbons in her hair,
And her heart on her sleeve..
And she climbed up a beanstalk-stair,
To reach the castles she built in the air..

Built far away from everyday cries,
Encased in the calm of rose-hued walls,
Away from the turbulence reflected in violet skies,
Of storms brewing from white lies..

Built alongside a lake of feelings, frozen over the years..
Whose thin ice contained dark waters,
As salty as her tears
Running as deep as her fears

Bound by a white picket fence, beside which she'd be sitting,
As gentle breezes brought by promises, soul-mates...
Neither approaching nor acting, simply waiting,
Until the winds of change took em all, left her simply wishing

Garden of hope

2010-07-25T21:39:00.000-07:00

Unruly hair
Unblemished skin
Untouched by the world
Bathed in innocence
The morning dew is her companion,
The flowers are her confidants...
She uses the sky as her canvass
To carve shapes with a sprig of grass...

Brilliant eyes
Beautiful lips
Blossoming youth
Learning, feeling, sensing.
The rising moon is her guide,
The setting sun is her secret-keeper...
As she reaches for his hand,
In a starlight symphony as fireflies strike a band...

Withered limbs
Weathered face
Wounded heart
Awaiting autumn...
The darkest night brings hope,
But every dawn brings fear of another lonely dusk...
As she stares at the garden, her youth's spirit-
And makes wishes of eyelashes longing for another visit.

Thirst...

2010-02-18T23:21:00.000-08:00

Her throat is parched and her lips are dry
even the sweetest nectar and holiest water can't defy
This unquenching thirst
Born from a lack of words
Lodged in the unreachable depths of a withered heart
They refuse to escape from lips waiting to part

She tries to speak-
Find Some expression, even if it's meek
Of unrequited love
Of unappreciated effort
Of unfaithful friends and loyal foes
Of emotion sapped by unrelenting woes..

Oh! Won't you look into her eyes so hollow
Yet you can see the pain that runs deep, iris steeped in sorrow
One touch will unbreak her
One kind word will unleash the tears
That will dissolve the lump of what's been left unsaid
That will revive a soul that's trapped and near-dead...

The Hearltess Angel

2010-01-24T06:15:00.001-08:00

He arrived

Like the first ray of a spring morning’s sun

Quiet yet ambitious

Hoping to light the world

He did hers – with his brilliant thoughts

He – the unaware genius

He made his way into her life

Like the fresh drops of a monsoon shower

Seasonal yet persistent

Quenching the thirst of a parched earth

He revived her life – with his constant company

He – the unwilling saviour

He warned of his departure

Like autumn’s shedding leaves

Slow yet certain

A reminder of empty days and lonely nights

He unravelled her hopes, undid the good

He – the heartless angel

And, now like the cool winds of winter

He moves noiselessly, stealing warmth

His icy coolness leaves her tears frozen

And she is stranded on the verge, the brink

Wanting desperately to summon emotion but unable

He – the unlikely friend

But, he will stay

Like the distant star in the velvet night sky

Aloof yet brightly shining

A glimmer of hope for a weary traveller

He – the reluctant memory

A Lifetime...

2010-01-15T10:57:00.000-08:00

She stares without seeing,

Looking back at me with unblinking eyes,

That tell secrets wordlessly speaking,

Of trapped ambition or severed ties

Forlorn she stands - unsmiling and speechless

Her lips so arid as laughter has withered away

For a fleeting moment her eyes lose their emptiness

Filled with a fond memory of a forgotten friend or a sunny day

Lonely she stands singular and stoic

Her rigid limbs unmoving, frozen

Even as crowds move around her - thick and quick

Betraying the remnants of arrogance, confidence that once was brazen

Staring back at her – I am trapped in a timeless vacuum –

Face of regret, body of unexpected defeat, aura of gloom

And it is like looking into an eerie mirror

Prophesising a reality far from dreams, of a remorseful future

And I open my eyes

To see the miracle in each second

As the repressed secrets buried in them

Flow like tears down my cheek

I free my ears to catch the beats of life

And the sudden surge of energy

Finds release in the tapping of my feet

My lips twitch upwards in a reluctant smile

As my resolve grows stronger -

What will be, will be

But it won't be from of a lack of trying...

Possessions

2009-12-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

These tables around which we would once gather,

To share boisterous chatter and solemn silence...

These windows that liberated the sound of our laughter,

Filled with gaiety you only find in the company of friends.

These walls which were once witness to us living,

Within which toiled and rested, did and dreamt...

These corridors that once echoed our thinking,

As we faltered, fell yet made another attempt.

These roads upon which we once strolled,

Together, step-by-step, hand-in-hand...

These streets which we once explored,

Making our own paths – random and unplanned.

These are symbols of a time gone-by

Reminders of what shaped my being

Though others may now those tables occupy

And through those windows, new eyes are seeing

Within the walls may blossom new lives

And the corridors may carry a different sound

On those same roads, another march arrives

And more unseen streets await to be found...

Though, to my successors these symbols I resign

These memories will forever be mine.

Cyclone

2009-11-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

I’m standing at the end of a golden beach

Just waiting in agony for the cyclone to hit

Answers just out of reach

As uncertainty increases bit by bit

These agitated waters that once were calm

Strikingly bear a resemblance to my life

I once held the world in my palm

But now my heart is fraught with strife

I have turned blind,

But I’m not without sight

I have no vision

To choose what’s right

I’m have become a vagrant,

But I’m not without a home

Directionless I am

Aimlessly I roam

I’m without life

Though I’m not dead

I have lost all will

To move ahead

But I pray that these devastating winds of change

That wreak havoc and destroy all in range

And as they solemnly ring a deathly toll

Will breathe in me a new life & revive my soul...

P.S. Thank you for giving me the start... Hope the rest of it did justice to the line!

Solitude

2009-10-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

I love this time, when in the midst of night

Tomorrow still hasn’t taken flight

Today hasn’t completely died away

Yet, aeons apart seem memories of yesterday

I love this time, when all is bathed in black

My little room dimly lit, the darkness glares back

Bright lights of the day have all but slowly drowned

The sky decorated with stars, with the moon crowned

I love this time, when all is quiet

A contrast to the long routine riot

Left alone, I do as my heart pleases

Encouraged by the wispy, cool breezes

I love this time, when every eye is rested

And, I’m awake, alone, alive – emancipated

Undisturbed I am, with no one to pry

Yet secure, that they will awaken with my cry

And I love this time, as I sit peacefully,

Gathering my thoughts in a heap

Dreams await me, beckoning me...

Yet, I refuse to give in to sleep

The Story of a Tear

2009-10-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Note: I am not upset, depressed, sad or suicidal, quite the contrary in fact! I'm very much in my can't-stop-smiling mode and intend to stay in that happy place for sometime now... The inspiration for this poem is something as small and insignificant as a speck of dust (literally!) and not some grave personal tragedy... So, enjoy, i guess..!

The tiny seed of doubt

That makes me hesitant, unsure

The inexplicable wave of jealousy

That makes me restless, insecure

The deep rooted, seething anger

That I keep carefully controlled

The hurt, long forgiven but not forgotten

That’s well hidden, but waiting to unfold

The suppressed scream, quiet shout

The little sliver of regret

The questions to which I find no answers

The little worries that make me fret

Tiny bits of feeling, powerful enough to overwhelm

Unseen, but take form in a tiny tear

That slips out from the corner of my eye

And slowly travels down my cheek

It doesn’t stop till all emotions have run dry

As I weep, I sob, I cry...

Contradiction

2009-10-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

Note: the following post is purely fictional. Any resemblance to any characters or situations in my life is purely coincidental and highly imaginative!

You keep your distance and drive me completely crazy

Yet even the uncertain knowledge of your return makes me calm

I’m independent, but nothing more than a puppet in your palm

The slightest smile makes my words fumble and fall

Yet the smallest twitch of your lips can inspire rhymes

I’m sensible, but with you I’ve lost my mind countless times

Even the mere fleeting feel of your fingers makes my bones melt

But that same tiny touch can warm my heart and comfort my mind

I’m strong, but with you around to all reason I turn blind

You can make me angry, screaming mad

And, you can make me depressed, achingly sad

You are nothing like “THE ONE” from my dreams

But you’re all I need, it seems
Coz only you can say the right words, worries put to ease

And only you can make me laugh, in carefree release

Are you the answer to my prayers?

Or has reality turned to nightmares?

How can you feel so right, when I know you’re wrong?

This is such a contradiction – do you & I belong?

You hold the power to completely break me

But only you can piece me together

I know I can’t live without you

If only I can figure out how to tolerate you forever!

Neglect

2009-09-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

A lively garden will shrivel and dry

An unloved heart will slowly die

A sturdy house will crumble and fall away

Directionless ideas will never see the light of day

Even savoury food will lose its taste

Unappreciated talent will go to waste

A little child will grow to be unruly

Confidence will diminish if not awarded duly

Gold will lose its glitter and gleam

Ambition without action will remain just a dream

Bright colours will lighten to a paler shade

Inspiring words with no deeds will into oblivion fade

Things we love and cherish, value and care

Will be ruined beyond repair

If we do not nurture, foster and reflect

Such is the devastating power of neglect.

Precarious

2009-05-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

I look at the way things stand between us

And I can feel the balance has shifted

It’s so imperceptible that no one else can guess

That a little apart we’ve drifted

I look at the times we’ve shared and the way things are

And I sense a slight new awkwardness

We still talk and laugh and share

But there is that slight shift nonetheless

I know that you’re still a friend I can trust

And I can still feel the love and care

And this balance that has surely shifted seems unjust

I simply hope that it’s not a shift beyond repair

On the other hand...

I look at the way things stand between us

And I can feel the balance has shifted

It’s so imperceptible that no one else can guess

But it’s like the thin veil of doubt has lifted

I look at the times we’ve shared and the way things are

And I sense a slight new closeness

With a lot more ease we now talk and laugh and share

And I’m glad that we’ve made good progress

You’ve become a friend I can trust

And I can now feel the care and love

With you around, life doesn’t seem unjust

I simply hope that I won’t have to say to you the words above

I Wonder...

2009-05-23T10:23:00.001-07:00

I wonder, staring at your picture,

Whatever happened to our grand plans for the future?

But you chose a different life,

And now we’ve grown older.

Should I hold on to those dreams, I wonder...

I wonder, staring at the memory,

Whatever happened to the time when I was young and carefree?

But I chose to be responsible,

And those adventures now seem like a blunder.

Can I atone for my mistakes, I wonder...

I wonder, staring at what I have just written - these lines,

Whatever happened to all my designs?

But I’m still the same person,

And life has made me bolder.

What’s the point of regret, I wonder...

The Easy Way Out...

2009-05-17T10:02:00.000-07:00

Would my life be easier if

I had the courage

to take that smallest step

that could shatter the peaceful mirage?

Would my life be easier if

I had the nerve

to make that difficult decision

that could destroy illusions that others preserve?

Would my life be easier if

I had not one regret

About things said and done

To simply learn and accept, forgive and forget?

Would my life be easier if

I had not one care

About making a wrong move

To simply not let mistakes give me a scare?

Would my life be easier if

I had the strength

to simply breakaway from shackles

that hold me back from going the extra length?

Would my life be easier if

I were a little more selfish

To pave my own path, make my own choices

Live my dreams and do as I wish?

Answers to these I am still looking for

However this I know for sure

Life with all its difficulties isn’t at all bleak

If only the inherent goodness of every moment we seek.

In Pursuit

2009-05-16T04:04:00.000-07:00

What is it that we wait for?

Will we ever find that elusive “something more”?

What is it that we so frantically seek?

Will we ever make it up the insurmountable peak?

What is that we’re afraid of?

Will we ever accept that which others scoff?

What is that we long for, yearn?

Will we ever learn to unlearn?

Chasing a future that is uncertain

Today’s small pleasures we shun

Chasing dreams that are evasive

Real moments we’ve forgotten to live

The “life” we always aspired has already begun

Manifesting itself in moments that come by the million

Today is the future that we once dreamed and designed

So, what is it that we’re still hoping to find?

A Different Crossroads

2009-05-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

There will be no tearful farewells

There will be no idealistic promises

To remain friends forever

There will be no wistful sighs and no one will cry

This will be a different goodbye!

There will be no clear directions

Only a million different options

Awaiting and beckoning are difficult paths

There will be no comforting beds, no welcoming abodes

This will be a different crossroads...

There will be no looking back

Decisions weighed in white or black

Choosing your own destiny, leading life

There will be no regrets, only living in the moment

This will be a different present.

Surprised...

2009-04-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

She’d always dreamt of feeling this way

Yet she never imagined it would be so strong

How could she be afraid of this emotion

She’d been waiting for so long?

She was surprised at the jealousy

That consumed her, hit her hard

Sharp and painful, it cut through her

Like a broken and serrated glass shard

She was surprised at the impatience

Counting down seconds for one call

She hated how time crawled by

As minute by minute her calm facade began to fall

She was surprised at her weakness

At becoming a victim of many a cliché

Neither being able to reign in her emotions

Nor her feelings convey

She was surprised at how her confidence broke

How she couldn’t muster up the courage to simply speak

She was not one to blabber and sputter

She hated how she suddenly felt meek

She was surprised at how easily tears came

When memories tormented her

And the intense yearning she felt

Only surprised her further

She’d always dreamt of feeling this way

Yet she never imagined she would lose all sanity

Lost in the emotion so powerful that it made her weak

How could she be surprised when she’d waited for this an eternity?

Awakening of Peace

2009-04-23T04:25:00.001-07:00

A balmy evening has set upon the city
I am surrounded by a sea of humanity
And the rhythm of a million hearts in a steady beat
As I play with the soft sand beneath my feet

The place is aglow with blinding lights
Brighter, more electric than other sleepless nights
A million marching legs unsettle the sands
As the air is filled with the choir’s musical strands

Then, the bright lights flicker and die
As the stars gently radiate in the shadowy sky
The constellations twinkle in tranquillity
Till an insolent star breaks away from its community

In a flash of white, it falls to earth
And I can hardly contain my mirth
Witnessing a wondrous moment
As a star gracefully shone in descent

The blackness above takes on softer hues
In the pale moonlight colours come alive – grays and inky blues
And down around me, candles light the way
Soft yellows and shades of orange drive the darkness away

We have gathered as a community in soulful prayer
In a solemn vigil, for coming celebrations we prepare
In religion we are one, we revel in togetherness
As drops of holy water gently fall on us to bless

Standing there beneath nature’s glorious beauty
I send up a gratuitous prayer as I’m engulfed in serenity
Feeling a part of an extended family
Has awakened a spirit of peace even in a sceptic like me

What Women (don't) Want!

2009-03-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

It’s 2 days after International Women’s Day and the feminist in me is still hyper-active... What a time look back on the eventful happenings of 3 weeks ago... Valentine’s Day... And while it’s the same old romantic comedy for couples – dates, gifts, flowers and all that jazz – for us, unattached, footloose and fancy free individuals, it’s nothing less than a suspense thriller!

So, flashback:
My gal pals and me toasted to singledom - some revelling in their new-found status (read: freedom), others like me, enjoying the perks of a lifetime membership! My male friends on the other hand seemed to have had quite a disastrous time. I mean, they did try to put their best foot forward, but for most part the only place that landed is in their mouths! They seemed to be chasing clichés... Tripping over their own feet would have been less clumsy than their efforts to woo girls! Which got me thinking: Is it merely a coincidence that ‘male’ is an anagram of ‘lame’?? Going by the number of times they have no leg to stand on... I think not!

And this brings me back to the present... Chuckling at all the not-so-happy-ending episodes of my guy friends, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity at their poor efforts. So, maybe a little advice could help, not that I claim to be an expert ... But, I am a finicky girl... and that should work for now!
Besides, 2 days after International Women’s Day and 3 weeks after Valentine’s Day seems to be appropriate in a very karmic way to deal with the issue of what women don’t want!

So here goes:

1. The “Open Door” Policy:
In today’s world of equal opportunity, we feminists don’t expect you to always open the door for us nor are we incapable of pulling out chairs. Just make sure that the door you pushed open doesn’t swing back at our heads and please, don’t pull out the chair from under us. Chivalry is always attractive. But if you can’t handle it, a little basic courtesy would work just fine too, thank you!

2. The “You don’t have a Back-Up??!!” Syndrome:
My computer has just crashed taking with it my prized projects, much-loved music, memories in photographs and high scores in games. And I’m upset...
My phone just refuses to switch on and in an instant I’ve lost precious messages and beloved contact numbers...
In my depression I turn to you and what do you say?? “YOU DIDN’T HAVE A BACK-UP??” Aaargh!
Well, here’s a tip: When we come to you with a problem (which is usually technology related coz we have our gal pals for the emotional stuff), please don’t berate us about what we could have done. Tell us what we should do now...

3. “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Tum Nahi Samjhogi ”
Men maybe from Mars but there are certain other things that seem far more alien to us... Usually those involve internal, never-knew-they-existed parts of cars and computers. (And, it never ceases to amaze me how each time a problem emerges, it always concerns a component we’ve never heard of before.)
You just have to accept that “Motherboard” is to girls what “Mauve” is to guys. We may claim to know it but one can never be a 100% sure!
But that doesn’t mean we are incapable of grasping the nuances of circuit boards and carburetors ... All we need is a little patient explaining. Don’t use the “tum nahi samjhogi” line. (It didn’t even work out well in the movie; she almost married the wrong guy.)

4. You’re too Predictable
At a given point in time men can think of only one of three things: Chicks, Cars (or anything else that runs on batteries/engines) and Cricket (or any other “sport”, for some that may include movie marathons and sleeping sprees). Women on the other hand have minds ticking as quickly and dangerously constant as a time bomb: “What will I wear today?”; “Does he think I look good in pink?”; “Will Rick boldly have yet another affair with the beautiful Brooke?”; “What’s India’s score?”; “I still haven’t told my best friend about my neighbour’s affair?”; “Does God really exist?”; “Oh! Great idea for the presentation!”; “World Peace”! No wonder, we may sometimes EXPLODE!
So, it would do you good before you label us as being predictable...

5. To Assume makes an ASS of U and ME
It’s surprising the amount of truth held in that corny line and especially so while keeping in mind point 4, you have to agree with the following lines from one of my favourite movies:
“When you assume something about me and it is correct, you get lucky... Just because you know what my answer will be doesn’t mean you don’t ask...”
May seem confusing the first time you read, take your time, read it again... and REFLECT! Basically, don’t assume what we might want/think/do/like/hate; we’re too complicated and unpredictable for that!
(For those of you wondering which movie that was, that would be National Treasure: Book of Secrets)

6. The Insincere Proposal
The “proposal” is THE moment every girl has fantasized about... It’s a moment where you profess everlasting love and claim that the girl in question is your reason for being, as precious as the air you breathe, that she’s the last thing on your mind when you fall asleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up... You get the picture! So you may not be a master planner but at least don’t ruin it by doing it over the phone and, worse, ONLINE! “If you say yes, then I was being serious; if you say No, then I was just joking!” If that’s the implication your proposal is going to reflect then you’ve made the wise choice in not making it in person...

7. Other Random No-No's
And of course, there are other often repeated things: incessant swearing, referring to the waiter as “Shshsh”, kicking stray dogs, nose digging, pants that need constant hitching, checking out other girls while you're on a date, things like that...

8. And finally...
If all this fails and the girl still turns around and tells you “Let’s take it slow. How about being just good friends,” RESPECT her wishes. Taking it slow doesn’t mean making 6 calls in a day instead of 12 in a day... Taking it slow means making ONE call in SIX days... (approximately so!).

So, All the Best, I guess!

The Little Things in Life...

2009-03-03T07:44:00.000-08:00

We try so hard to live by the ideal of “Plan like you were to live forever; but live like you were to die tomorrow”. But it isn’t always that simple, is it? Being optimistic, yet not losing touch of reality; Being enthusiastic, yet remaining practical. The cliché of living in the moment is easier said than done... Because circumstances change and people do not remain the same; friendships fade away and new opportunities seldom come without newer challenges...

Sometimes, LIFE, this moment to moment existence in the face of such cynicism, just bogs you down so much that it is very easy to simply forget your spirit, your reason for being... And, lately I’ve been a frequent flyer to that not-so-cheerful place I hate so much. But, it is in times like these that the numerous little things come together to be my anchor that holds me above water, stops me from sinking into the abyss of depression...

The little things that bring me great joy...

When I feel so lost that I’m a stranger in my own home,
I listen to the peals of the wind chime
And it fills my heart with melodies.
I gaze at the pictures on the walls,
Moments captured for an eternal time,
And it fills my head with memories.

When I feel so lonely that I’m alone in a crowd,
I see the nameless, unfamiliar faces,
And exchange knowing glances, few words, shared smiles
I look at life as it moves on around me, thrives...
Till the beauty returns to empty spaces;
As does the spring in my steps that can carry me for miles.

When I feel like I’ve lost the reason to laugh,
I remember thoughtful messages and long conversations,
A telepathic connection and the unexpected call,
The sweet words of support & stern words of rebuke
Bring to mind the many friends and relations,
All a reminder of bonds that will never fall.

When I feel like I cannot go on
I head out for a walk, letting my feet chart their directions
Under a refreshing breeze, collecting my thoughts
When it seems like there is no purpose to life,
I pull out my bucket list and rediscover my ambitions,
Rediscovering the passion that once seemed lost.

In life things seldom are the way they seem...
Sometimes happy moments may seem far and few.
But when life seems like nothing but a lie,
And reality appears to be an illusion...
Look at the little things to remind you,
That life is as beautiful as the rainbow in the sky.

Lost in the Unknown.

2009-02-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

My laugh is lost as I lament,
And all my smiles dissolve into a sigh,
I seem to have lost the cheerful moment,
And I don’t know the reason why...

Doubts and fears flood my mind,
Reality seems like a miserable lie,
Joy seems afar and hard to find,
And I wish I knew why...

My thoughts turn dark and depressed,
Tears are beyond my control as my eyes silently cry,
Hope is ruthlessly repressed,
And I have no idea why...

I don’t find cheer even in a soulful song,
Mirth, here only an instant ago, has bid goodbye,
For that merry moment my heart does long,
It’s gone, lost, as is the reason why...

I can’t stop smiling, and I am incredibly happy,
That time now seems like a dream gone by,
I can’t find my reason to be,
And I can’t find the reason why...

I’m laughing, my eyes twinkling,
And inexplicably, I feel a void, lonely, torn,
Some may call it nothing more than a mood swing,
But I know that I am lost in the unknown.

Apple of my I !!

2009-02-15T11:45:00.000-08:00

I truly think that one of life’s best moments is when a song that you’ve been thinking of suddenly starts playing on the radio or the TV... And what’s even better is when my I-pod recognizes my mood and seems to play all the right songs at the right time... Usually left on the shuffle mode, to fend for itself, my I-pod seems to be tuned into my moods pretty well... When I’m feeling low it will play a peppy number to lift my spirits, and when I’m happy, catchy dance numbers set the pace. Maybe all the time it spends wired to my head has paid off! Don’t believe me? Consider this:

Flashback...
I have had a fight last night and I have woken up in a pathetic, super-depressed mood... It’s one of those days where you wish the sun hadn’t come out and that you could just curl up under your blanket and disappear... But, life must go on... and I’m forced to get out of my cosy, comfortable bed and get into my day. A day which seems nothing more than a monotonous routine today... I go through the motions rather mechanically; my happy mood and cheer seem to be locked up in an impenetrable corner of my mind...
I step out with i-pod firmly in my ear to transport me to another world at least for a while. I hit on “Shuffle Songs” and Ace of Base’s popular track “Beautiful Morning” begins playing...

“What a mystery, though the world's on fire.
Yesterday's hard words is still in my head.
I feel no despair, no regrets or sorrows,
'Cause this new day makes me dance on air.
(What a golden day.)
What a beautiful morning in my life.
The best in life is free.
I give it all away and I wonder what more is to come.
And this beautiful morning changed my mind.
Believe me when I say the shadows fading out.
As the day grows bright, we are turning pages,
And we write new chapters of our life.
Some are strong and long.
Others weak with sorrows.
Keep the focus on the rising sun.”

It’s like my I-pod sensed my mood and was trying to send out a message to me! It worked because I was happy and cheerful from that moment on...

And, if you still don’t believe that my I-pod is psychic then consider this:
A friend posted a note on Facebook, that described a little game... There were about 20 questions listed and the answer to each question is held in your music library...

The Game’s only rule: Play the songs on Shuffle Mode and hit next to get the answers to the question...

Here are my results for 17 of these 20 questions... It made perfect sense and 85% isn’t a bad hit rate!

1) What would best describe your personality?
Chopsuey by System of a Down
For the ignorant, Chopsuey in Chinese means “Mixed Pieces”... Go Figure!

2) What do you like in a boy?
Say it Right by Timbaland
Well, honestly, it is one of my most important “criteria”... There’s nothing more attractive than a well-spoken guy with intelligent points of view and witty repartee...

3) How do you feel today?
Dekho Nashe Mein from Race
High on Life! :)

4) What is your life's purpose?
Say (All i Need) by One Republic
What can I “say” to this now? Putting across my point of view may well be the purpose of my life. And the fact that this song has another name it goes by may not be a mere coincidence... Maybe the “All I Need” signifies my “Things To Do Before I Die” List! Hmmmm!

5) What is your motto?
Smile by Lily Allen
I can’t stop smiling, can I? *wink* *wink* Most of you are familiar with that mood... and a chosen few are familiar with the (sometimes silly) reasons for it!

6) What do you think about very often?
Pardesi from Dev D
*Some more winks* and a *wicked smile* followed by a *sigh*!

7) What do you think of your best friend?
The Reason by Hoobastank
Well, in a way, she is the voice of reason in my life!

8) What do you think of the person you like?
Aye Bachchu... from Ghajini
Heheheheheeheh.... AK... This one is for you!

9) What is your life story?
Hot and Cold by Katy Perry
Isn’t this true...? Ups and Downs; Can’t-stop-smiling to can’t-find-my-smile to can’t-stop-winking... From exciting to tedious... Life, surely does seem to come a full circle!

10) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Sound of Freedom by Bob Sinclair
Freedom! Yes! Oh YES! Independence and self sufficiency are 2 ideals I try to live by...

11) What do you think when you see the person you like?
Angels by Robbie Williams
I’ll just leave it as *loooooooooooooong sigh*

12) What do your parents think of you?
Losing My Religion by R.E.M.
Ask them if you don’t believe my I-pod!

13) What will you dance to at your wedding?
Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park
Well, I wouldn’t want to dance to this song at my wedding... I’d rather prefer Everything by Michael Buble followed by Sway (Yes, the same one that’s been my caller tune for 3 years now!) But, hey, I’m sure that “Somewhere I Belong” is definitely the feeling that will be washing over me!!!

14)What will they play at your funeral?
Khuda Jaane from Bachna Ae Haseeno
LOL! Need I say anything at all!

15) What is your hobby/interest?
Yeh Tumhari Meri Baatein from Rock On!!
At the risk of repeating myself, LOL! Need I say anything at all! I Talk!

16)What is your biggest secret?
Dancing Queen by ABBA
Yes, I confess, when everyone at home has gone to sleep, I play my music and dance alone!

17) What do you think of your friends?
Distance... by Karsh Kale
Well....... I sure as hell hope this is not true... But sometimes it is inevitable, isn’t it!

Fascinating, isn’t it? Does my I-pod know me or does my I-pod know me??!! Well, I am a staunch believer in signs, this only reinforces it... But irrespective of whether you have your own friendly i-pod or believe in signs, do try the game... It is a lot of fun...! Maybe you could share with me some of your answers, I would love to discuss the "Signs"!

Observations of a Wandering Mind

2009-02-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

These are not profound apple-falling-gravity-discovering observations. Neither did these observations make me jump with joy and scream “Eureka!” These observations simply hit me out of the blue and made me go “Hmmm...”

These are not discoveries that will alter the state of the world or the state of your life; It may, though, alter the state of your current mood – I’m hoping the change will be from bored to refreshed but it could have quite the opposite effect.

These are just by-products of listless moments spent alone, and sleepy conversations in the middle of the night, and desperate attempts at failing an interview! You have been warned...

1. I love tunnels...
There is something about their rocky contours glowing dimly under orange lamps that I relish. There is an odd sort of childlike mirth, an unknown thrill, that I experience each time my car zips into one of those criss-crossing passages that cut through the mutinous mountains...
As I zip through another one, the radio plays static, and my hair is still flying uncontrollably as the wind ruffles it, and just up ahead I see the slanting rays of the sun sneaking their way in... Maybe, that’s it! Maybe tunnels appeal to the eternal optimist in me – no matter how long and dark they maybe, there’s always the light at the end...

2. Born genius? I think not!
Being told that you are “too intelligent to fail” is almost as bad as being told you’re too stupid to succeed.
Trying to fail at something is just as much hard work as trying to succeed... Trying to be the worst can be just as hard as trying to be the best! Ever thought of that?

3. And, I’m a brand!
Stuck in a poor plight? Need to find a desperate way out? Some logical justification and a little “influence” as a back up! That’s called pulling a Joanne! Yeah! I’ve done it that many times!
Defined as “the use of rationalisation and influence to wriggle out of an unfavourable situation”
Don’t ask me how I get myself into these “unfavourable situations” in the first place... As a friend put it, there’s an undefined force just pushing us into the unknown!

4. English is a beautiful language...
This realisation hit me during an late night (rather, almost morning) conversation with 2 sleep deprived friends each equipped with their unique brand of corny sense of humour...
Have you ever noticed that:
Disorder has order in it... Nonsense has sense in it... method to the madness, as I always say...
And get this, Distress has stress in it and stress has rest all jumbled up!
There’s a deep meaning in every word...!

Oh well! That’s it for now... the phone will ring any moment now, bringing with it the promise of some more random observations of my wandering mind...

So, THIS is what a "Writer's Block" feels like?!

2009-01-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

The little clock in the corner of my screen reads 00:37. Slowly yet steadily it keeps counting down the minutes as they pass by... A subtle reminder of the amount of time by which I missed my deadline for the week’s post... 38 minutes have now passed and it is tomorrow and here I am... With no weekly post but loads of ideas are just swimming languidly in my mind, but none seem to be making their way through to the tips of my fingers where I can shake them off and make them (big) words... But I am determined... Anyway, for me tomorrow begins only after I’ve had my goodnight’s sleep, and as droopy as my eyes maybe and as sluggish as my fingers maybe, I just refuse to let tomorrow dawn until I have written my post for the week...

10 Minutes have passed and all that I have accomplished is not dozing off while watching the cursor flicker with a consistent rhythm on my screen... Somehow it seems to be in sync with the music that’s playing... It’s almost like it’s dancing one same steady step to every beat that plays on iTunes... Fascinating...! Oh! Look! There it goes again...

7 Minutes Later
Well, happy realisation to me! If I have to get this written and posted while it’s still today I really must stop imagining the cursor dance (but it was funny!)...
Question: Would it still be day dreaming if I’m doing it in the middle of the night? Oooh! Which reminds me of another doubt I had... will it be 3 in the morning or 3 in the night?? Even Wikipedia’s unsure... “Morning is the part of the day usually reckoned from either midnight or dawn to noon...” Hmpf!

Another 12 Minutes
Ok, so let me try Random Observations Have you ever noticed that infants have some sort of elaborate telepathic, coded communication system which ONLY they understand? How else do you explain why ALL kids within a given area (say a Train Compartment – that’s where I noticed this phenomenon thrice) begin crying at around the same instant...? One usually takes the initiative and the others promptly follow... Ok, I’m done with random observations...

About 7.5 Minutes Forward
Is there a career for writing “Quotes”? I mean what did Oscar Wilde do for a living? Ok, THAT was a JOKE... But, seriously, it would be so cool to invent “Quotable Quotes” and sell them to silly celebrities & politicians who suffer from “Foot in Mouth” disease... I could make a business of it... For example, “There’s SENSE even in NONSENSE”! Hmmm...

Almost Instantaneously
You know what this is? This is a classic case of Writer’s Block... Wikipedia knows the precise definition to this one: Writer's block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity. Hey and look! Wiki’s very considerately provided solutions too. Ok, so lets see...

1. Scheduling time to write and work, regardless of the quality of the output.
Well, Duh! THIS is exactly what I’m doing...! And I’m sure you would agree that I took the “regardless of quality” part a bit too literally...

2. Engaging in brief periods of "freewriting" or "mindwriting," in which people impulsively write whatever comes to mind.
Hah! Again, I’m there, doing that (Present Tense of “Been there, Done that”! Maybe my creativity’s coming back!)

3. Taking a break, meditating, or doing relaxation exercises to relieve any pressure on oneself and on the writing.
Good Idea! Maybe I should try slooooow breathe iiiiiinnnnn.... slooooow breathe oooooout... Brb!

Bees (20) Minute Baad
Ok! Random Observation 2: Slow Breathing in the middle of the night makes me sleepy, but chocolates work... So, maybe I should refer back to Wikipedia...

4. Returning to the writing after a lapse of a day or two.
NO WAY! Sorry... Can’t do... a deadline is a deadline is a deadline...

5. Going out to get some fresh air.
What! Do you know what time it is? My trusty clock says 1:45... Maybe I’ll just open the windows...

6. Set your writing down, go out and do something (something that will keep you busy) and then come back in a few hours with a fresh mind.
I DON’T have that kind of time, you moron! What are you trying to do? Sabotage my weekly-posting spree...

7. Listen to music.
ALWAYS! And now that the window is open, the wind-chimes are also happily chiming!

Wait! What’s that?! I can just feel the wheels in my head turning...
I wander around many a dreary alley,
SENTENCES are beginning to come together...
But in the mournful darkness there’s nothing I can see...
And what do you know! IT RHYMES! OK, I’m on a roll here...!

I wander around many a dreary alley,
But in the mournful gloom there’s nothing I can see...
Every turn I take lead me to a dead-end
Blank is my mind...
Into more darkness I descend.

I search for a way out,
But every step is shrouded in doubt.
There must be a road that cuts through this haze...
There was an idea, now it’s lost!
I’m still hopelessly stuck in this maze.

I desperately knock on every door
The unknown I’m ready to explore
They are shut tight, secure behind a resilient lock
In vain I try but no door I can breakdown
So, this is what it feels like to suffer from Writer’s Block!

OK! I wrote a poem on writer’s block! Now, THAT’s ironic...! Anyway, with my self-satisfied smirk in place, I’m off to go catch up on some sweet dreams... Until next week..!

To be a Child Again...

2009-01-16T02:06:00.000-08:00

When I was a child, I had many ideas about the ways of life. And, I was convinced that they were all true. Until, I would inadvertently blurt it out in front of an all-knowing adult, who would invariably give me kids-are-so-dumb-but-cute smile and pat my head and dispel my illusions...

Well, what do they know? These adults! If they all still thought like innocent children, the world would be a better place to live in... Allow me to illustrate, at the risk of embarrassing myself, with the help of two illustrations...

Disclaimer: I WAS JUST ONLY A CHILD... keep that in mind.... (Almost rhymed!)

When I was a kid, I always thought that as I grew older, my parents would grow younger! And I always imagined, me crossing the road, holding my kid-sized parents’ hands... The only problem with this scenario was that 6ft-2inch-dad-with-a-beard is fine, but it was rather absurd to imagine 2ft-6inch-dad-with-a-beard. And if I remember right, what burst my little bubble was when I questioned my mother about how that was possible...

But come to think of it, isn’t that what happens in reality? People, as they grow old, really do become like children, in need of constant care and lots of love and pampering...? And, isn’t it our duty to care for our aging parents... Not totally wrong, was I? A little excessive and absurd in the imagination, but the thought was bang-on, right?!

I also believed, as a child, that everyone who spoke English, was somehow like me, from the same “group”... The concept of different religions, different castes just didn’t strike me as being noteworthy. Of course, what contributed to this idea is the fact that one half of my family was Catholic and the other half Hindu, yet they could all speak English and they were all, put together, MY FAMILY... So, I didn’t think much of the fact that some of my friends went to temples instead of Church, like me. Or, the fact that more than half of my classmates would study “Moral Science” while some of us would make our way to a different classroom to learn “Religion”. I mean, at the end of it all, we were all taught the same things...
“Thou shall not tell lies”;
“Thou shall not talk in class”
“Thou shall not get into fights”
“Thou shall finish your homework on time”
“Thou shall not ruin new clothes by playing in mud or by spilling food on it”

And, isn’t this the premise of “Religious Tolerance” - respecting diverse religious ideologies, accepting it, even overlooking it, appreciating that we are all one nationality and that there is more overpowering creed – that of Humanity.

Well, not every innocent thing I thought as a kid was necessarily smart though. Like, I very earnestly and fearfully believed that if you took Benadryll when you didn’t have a cough, you would most definitely get a cough...!

But, my only point is that a child’s mind is by far the purest and most innocent thing ever... And if we can preserve even a fraction of that despite our crazy hectic lives, the world would be a better place to live in! (World Peace! *Pause* I need to adjust my crown!)

So, what do you get when you take my recent recollections of my childish ideas and add to it the contemplative mood I’ve been in? Anyone? Anyone? A poem of, course! I know! It’s been loooooong since I posted one...

(Note: I’m tired of saying “depressed”... It connotes such a miserable state of mind. I shall now use the term contemplative denoting a quiet and reflective mood!). Ok, so enough rambling, here goes:

Where are the days
Of carefree laughter
Buried under the sands of time
Whatever happened to happily ever after?

Oh Lord, to you I pray,
Let me be a child once more
To see the beauty in each day
To discover joy in every moment

Where are the promises
Made to ever be together
Broken to pieces like shattered glass
Unable to face the stormy weather

Oh Lord, I plead to You
Let me be a kid one more time
So that sincerity reflects in all I do
So that pure-hearted in my pursuits I may be

Where are the million plans
To enjoy, have fun
Blown away by winds of change
They unravel, come undone

Oh Lord, it’s my heartfelt behest
Make me a child again
That I may set out on every quest
Fearlessly, taking life by the collar

Ok.. tata now, time for my milk and cookies!

Oooh! worm! maybe, i'll put him in a bottle and name him Pintoo!

Here's to the kid in all of us!!

Along Life's Road I Stopped to Read the Signs...

2009-01-09T01:54:00.000-08:00

In my life there are only 2 moods that exist. One is the famed “can’t-stop-smiling” mood. On days where this mood comes alive, I can see beyond the pollution to find the world beautiful, where I feel blessed to have friends who put up with my rather corny sense of humour, and problems seem like only minor speed-breakers... Then, there are those days where the “I-can’t-find-my-smile” mood sets in and here the eternal optimist in me sets off for a vacation...

Today, I seem to have lost my smile in the myriad depressing thoughts. But, there’s a beautiful song stuck in my head since last night...

It took all the strength I had
Not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend
The pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high...
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive
I WILL SURVIVE

So, in the spirit of the song, I decide to live the song and find my can’t-stop-smiling mood... I set out in the pursuit of smilingness... I set out on the metaphorical lonely road, making my way through twists and turns, trying to look out for milestones, keeping my eye open for signs... And I come across many such “signs” and at each one I stop to find my answers:

1. The One Way Only Sign:

What do you do when you feel that you are giving much more to a relationship than you are receiving in return? Where every good deed that you do seems to go unnoticed, and every bad move you make, is indelibly marked in memory... What do you do when it seems like you’re the only one who cares?

2. The No U-Turn Sign:

What do you do when you seem to be in over your head and there’s no way out? Where you have to live with the choices you’ve made... What do you do when you don’t really have any regrets, BUT YET can’t stop yourself from thinking “What if...”?

3. The No Parking Sign:

What do you do when all you want to do is stop where you are and not care for awhile, but yet you are pushed forward by no less a force than LIFE itself? When it feels like one small step for mankind, but one giant leap for ME to take alone... What do you do when you want to give up, at least for a bit, but you know it’s best to move on? How do you force yourself to keep putting one foot, before the other (even though it may not be your best foot forward) and take small steps forward?

4. The Steep Ascent Sign:

What do you do when the future is now and it is so totally different from the rosy picture you imagined it to be? When you know that it is going to be an uphill task getting to the top... What do you do when everyone seems to be reaching for their dreams and your special ambition seems just out of reach?

5. Slippery Road Ahead Sign:

What do you do when you can see friends slip away? When neither is moving forward to make things better, yet no one is moving away, when each is firmly standing their ground, and yet the distance is slowly, but surely growing... What do you do when you can helplessly see “friends” walk away, taking a part of your life with them?

6. No Right Turn Sign:

What do you do when things don't go as per your plans? When every move you make is wrong, when you've tried everything and there's nothing else left... What do you do when it seems like despite your best efforts your every move is a mistake?

What do you do when you have such thoughts running through your head and can’t seem to find an outlet? Well, that’s easy, at least... you blog – put it out there in the open, for the virtual world to share...

And what do you do when you realise that you’ve rambled on for quite some time now...?

Midnight Musings

2009-01-02T02:17:00.000-08:00

31st December, 2008:

I am back home (rather early) from Church. I am still sitting in my New-Year-Mass-Church-Clothes, sipping wine, daintily nibbling on plum cake, feeling very chic and lady-like as I furiously type and re-type my thoughts... There’s a good 40 minutes to herald the new-year and I am riding the emotional roller-coaster...

I feel disappointed that I will be home alone, again, with my parents asleep & brother watching TV. I feel somewhat frustrated for not being at some party yelling over the LOUD music to talk to my friends and screaming TEN, NINE... counting down last few seconds of the old year. And, in an instant, the disappointment & frustration fades away, and I, realise, that I’m simply acting like a spoilt child who wants a new toy, not because she needs it, but because all her friends have it... Feeling mature and enlightened, I squash the irrational sadness... Good for me!

I feel defiant, as I ignore the sounds of the TV (watching TV to celebrate New Year is decidedly LAME) & strains of trance from the terrace party in the building. I feel liberated as I sit here writing this, impervious to the sights and sounds around me, still dressed in my pretty pink dress and super-high heels, silently protesting against the injustice around me:
1. my boring family featuring Dad (already asleep), Mom (unusually perky), Brother (lost in his cell phone), and Grandmother (wondering what-am-I-doing-here);
2. television’s uninspiring “New Year Specials” featuring wannabe stars and upstarts and have-beens;
3. parties featuring drunken people and deafening music;
4. 10 o’clock deadlines for microphones that make Midnight Mass get over way before midnight.

I feel oddly excited at the prospect of a new beginning, and instantly I feel irritated for falling for that cliché... I mean, what’s so new about the New Year anyway?? The day will begin in exactly the same way it has this past year and the year before that and the year before that and you get the picture. People around me are not going to change overnight either (sure, some may be stupid and sick from the previous night’s drunkenness but they’ll get over that in a few hours!) The politicians will be just as corrupt, the trains will be equally crowded, and my parents fussy as always... So, basically, life as I know it will go on... What will change is the date on the calendar and even as far as the date goes, it takes me at least a good 2 weeks to get used to writing the “new year” in the date... So, where, I demand to know, is the NEWNESS to this all???

I feel terribly nostalgic... Looking back at the year gone by, I realise, with much satisfaction, that it has been a year of happy change and many firsts! Okay, flashback:
Last year the newness of the new year, set in only in June, after almost half a year had past, when I went back to my old office to work on “Asia’s FIRST ever event of its kind in the world of finance!” Then, I later won my FIRST ever national award, and had my FIRST ever interview on national TV and my FIRST ever pictures in the newspapers, posing gleefully with my shiny trophy.
And, for the FIRST (and maybe the last) time ever in my life, I worked up the courage to make the “FIRST move” with a cutie-pie firang... (Unfortunately, things fizzled out after a while depriving me of my FIRST ever boy-friend story!).
I learnt to eat with chopsticks (and I would gloat about trying sushi for the FIRST time, but some may argue that since the crab meat was cooked it wasn’t authentic SUSHI...Well, whatever...)
I wore BLACK nail polish for the FIRST time ever, much to the amusement of some, shock of others and surprisingly, My MOTHER said it actually looked good! Go figure!
AND I had a whole glass of alcohol for the FIRST time ever. (Note: I have had wine before, in glasses meant for Tequila Shots, but I do NOT consider wine as “alcohol”, it’s good for the heart and all). And for those of you, who are frowning and shaking your heads with displeasure, let me explain why I felt compelled to resort to Fosters (Aus-trra-lee-yan for Beer). It was a family get-together hosted at my place and the conversation at the “party” included nagging (targeted at yours truly of course! About, well, I lost track - everything, I guess); passive aggressive remarks, lame jokes (meant mostly to hide discomfort, I suppose) and many half-hearted hmmms & hmpfs. So, with the nerve-wracking, strained atmosphere making me feel pathetic, I decided to test the sorrow-drowning-powers of alcohol and desperately poured myself my first glass of beer. My mother was shocked that I was having my first glass of BEER & my aunt was surprised that this was my FIRST glass of beer! But, it worked because after a while I was wrapped in a comfortable cloud of fuzziness that absorbed the jeers and nagging and sad humour. And, thanks to my little adventure with alcohol (one small glass of wine followed by one medium sized glass of beer) I had my FIRST ever brush with ALMOST-Drunkenness...
But the best part about last year, FRIENDS – I made some new ones, stayed in touch with ALL the old ones, got back in touch with some long lost ones, celebrated as 3 of them got married...

Okay, back to present day:
It is now almost 2 hours into the New Year... and my spirits are buoyed, partly because of the wine and partly because I spoke to many of my friends who, like me are also at home BUT unlike me are sleepy! (Hah!) I have changed out of my party clothes (gosh! Those heels were killing me!). The raucous building party seems to have ended or at least the music has stopped, and I have danced my little jig to “celebrate the new year” too. Now it’s just me, and my laptop that is softly humming some happy songs.
And, all I can think of is the profound statement muttered by one sleepy friend – “People don’t realise they can have fun without excuses”. And that is so true, I realise, contemplating my “Year of Many FIRSTS” that has just recently become a part of history... It is funny how we look for reasons to enjoy – “Let’s go for a movie coz the exams are over”, “We’ll celebrate AFTER the presentation”, “Party? Let me land a job, though!”
My year – the one of black nail polish and beer, of first moves and friends, of long conversations that run into almost the next morning and learning to eat with chopsticks – has been a series of happy memories where I enjoyed (in the company of friends and sometimes, even alone), not feeling the need to justify why I was celebrating, simply being impulsive, living in the moment. My year has been a happy one because I had “fun without making excuses”. Know what I mean??
Well, Happy New Year anyway!

How I Overcame Being a Monophobic!

2008-12-12T04:56:00.000-08:00

I shopped alone... I SHOPPED alone... I shopped ALONE...

Well, what is the big deal, you ask?? Well, maybe it’s no big deal for you... But for me it is... You see, I had this thing against being alone; I craved company... Even if it was just to go across the street to pick up groceries, I would take along my phone and speed-dial my best friend. It didn’t matter that the conversation ended even before it began...

I hated being alone and I could never figure out people who ate out in restaurants alone or shopped alone or watched movies in theatres alone... “Something has to be wrong with them” is what I thought... But, the weirdness lay not in them but in me... And my first ever flashback post (I am greatly inspired by How I Met Your Mother!) will tell you how I became and overcame being a MONOPHOBIC! True Story...

Well kids, my father seldom lectures – he simply bundles up all of his opinions & lessons in a single saying that leaves you feeling ashamed & enlightened at the same time. For instance, when I was a kid, instead of nagging at me to study (nagging – now that’s my mother’s forte!), he would merely stare down at me from his 6 ft 2 inch elevation & say, “those who want by the yard, but try by the inch should be kicked by the foot.” Of course, then I was too young to truly appreciate the pun and obviously it did not have the desired effect. At the time, I would usually just dissolve into giggling fits that disturbed my insufferably studious younger brother, thus inviting my mother’s nagging!

BUT, there was one such “truism” that my father once very wisely told me when I complained to him about being bored. He bent his long neck to stare down at me and maybe he smiled (but the moustache hid it!) and said, “One who is bored in one’s own company is boring in the company of others”. Well, from that day forward, I did all in my power to avoid being bored... I did not dare utter the words, “I’m bored” EVER, let alone in the presence of my father, for fear of being perceived as uninteresting.

I tried to wipe out that phrase from my memory... If it ever crept into my mind, I would run to find my friends. Failing that, I would bug my brother and after being nagged against doing so, I would find my Books to read or diary to write in. And after my parents were safely out of earshot or asleep, I would sneak up to the telephone and talk! BUT in my bid to remain un-boring I had turned into someone who was afraid of being alone, afraid that I would be bored in my own company, afraid that I would turn into a boring old lady with cats who kids laughed at and grown-ups avoided... And, I couldn’t let that happen – after all I hate cats!

Well, what can I say? I’d become a MONOPHOBIC – basically, a person with an abnormal fear of being alone... Well, I wasn’t that far beyond help to become a case study in psychology, but one fateful day I realised that if I did not check this “craving for company” then I would probably need medication for this condition called “being pathetic”... This is what happened on the day, realisation hit me...

I was about to step out to begin my journey around the city. I had a pretty long list of errands to finish for my family... I was all dressed up and I was all alone. Well, being alone was not for a lack of trying... I did all I could... I called every friend and relative whose number I had in my contact list and at the end of half a day I was left with an expensive phone bill, no company and many handy excuses –
“I have work”;
“I have college”;
“I have other plans”;
“I can’t get out of the meeting – Boss’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the house – Mom’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the bed – Doctor’s orders”;
“I’m not in the mood”;
“I’m not in the city”;
“Sorry! Wrong Number...”

Oh well, I would just have to face this big bad world on my own then... I would just have to fight my demons and I checked to see if I had my weapons to aid in my battle against my fears... I peered into my large, overstuffed bag...My phone, fully charged; My Novel, newly purchased; my iPod, recently updated and also charged; 3 bars of chocolate; Notebook and pen – Check!

Well, I was armed and ready and out I stepped... And, no sooner had I done that, than I was attacked by a rather strong army of aloneness... So, out came my shield and sword, my iPod and phone, all set to bravely attack the soldiers of loneliness. I spoke on the phone, with no care for the ever increasing bill, with no fear of mother’s nagging when she saw it and with no heed to what my father might wisely utter while paying it! I spoke on my phone to each of those people who had given me those pathetic excuses. I spoke on the phone and listened to music while walking on the road and waiting in queues and getting squashed in trains... I spoke on the phone and listened to music till the battery of both laid down their lives and died! Then, I beat a hasty retreat into the fantasy world to escape the warriors of boredom who were slowly gaining on me... And I read not removing my eyes from the book until my whole body hurt from a series of bumps into people and trees, narrowly missing falling into a pothole, almost stepping onto a dog, and nearly walking into an auto rickshaw... That is when I finally put aside my book and that is when reality hit me...

With my defences spent, I realised what a sorry figure I cut. My clothes were crumpled from the bumping and pushing and travelling, my hair was a mess, my body aching from the day-long running around, my posture bent and tired... I was trying too hard to escape being alone... I was trying to escape ME, I thought to myself... People around me were travelling alone, eating alone, shopping alone and I even spied a well-dressed man TALKING alone... Well, being alone can’t be so bad can it, I considered... I mean, if others can, I should be able to do it too... And so I did...

I stopped trying hard to be un-alone... I looked around, taking in the sights and sounds of this city I call home, I smiled at passers-by and exchanged a few words with co-travellers, and I enjoyed the view as I travelled back home... And I realised being bored had nothing to do with being alone...

And since that day, I have discovered the many joys of being alone... Alone at home, I can do as I please – sleep as late as I like, eat chocolates for breakfast and cake for lunch, play music so loud that I can’t hear the doorbell, dance or hop or sing or shout – It is the bestest thing ever!

And my favourite kind of walk is the one I take with my books and iPod... No! No! It’s different this time... Here, I walk to my library with my books in an environmentally friendly jute bag and my iPod, playing soft music, for company... I take in the scenery as I walk – the trees, the quaint Church, the river. (And for those of you, who think it’s nothing but an oversized sewer, go for a walk alone and take along your imagination and leave behind for judgemental ways!)

And the ultimate achievement, of course, has been the fact that I SHOPPED ALONE...! Alone – with no one to ask for an opinion, with no extra pair of eyes looking out for goodies, with no disapproving looks or appreciative glances. I shopped alone and I loved every moment of it...

Freaks-of-nature-who-eat-and-shop-and-watch-movies-in-theatres-alone... I am one of you now! Rejoice!

Six Degrees of Separation

2008-10-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

Did you know that if you stood a step away from all the people you know and they in turn did the same and the sequence continued, then you would be at most 6 steps away from EVERY SINGLE PERSON on EARTH...? Of course, for all practical purposes this theory has not been tested, so we’ll never know its veracity for sure. But, nonetheless, it is a theory that has never ceased to fascinate me...

Six degrees of separation... Imagine that!

It is no wonder then that at the most unexpected (and sometimes unfortunate) moments you run right into someone who knows you... or worse still is a friend of your mother!!
Think about the times when...

... You complained about an aunt’s nasty habit of gossiping and you turned around to find her glaring right at you... No points for guessing who the target of the next malicious rumour will be!

... You cribbed about how bad the food was, the day AFTER the party, only to find out that the person you’ve been cribbing to is the host’s sister... Well, you won’t be on another invite list for a while, but at least that will save you from dangerous cooking!

... You bitched about a classmate only to realise that she is sitting right beside you... You definitely won’t be exchanging cards over Christmas!

My story, well, THAT could be potentially more detrimental than these... And, for those of you concerned for my well-being, here’s the story...

I am in the train... I am with my best pal and we are both bursting with news... Gossip and girl talk... What better place than the Ladies Compartment, right?! (Or, so I thought!)

My friend begins... Juicy gossip first...
“Guess who broke-up... Oh, and... Guess who just got engaged... AND! You will never guess who still HASN’T found a guy... I mean, come on, her parents have been looking out for an eligible bachelor FOREVER!!”

And then, she smiles wickedly and lets me in on her story... She has a secret admirer. His only identity – his 10 digit phone number. And they flirt over SMS!! Naughty!!
She shows me a few of the messages which bring back some funny memories of my own. I warn her, like a good friend should, “Stay away! He reminds me of McCheesy!!”

And, now it’s my turn... I smile demurely...
“I talked to HIM for about 2 hours... And it was a GOOD conversation... But, we’re Just Good Friends! Well, I said... and then he said... and then I said, “It was disapPONTING that Australia lost the match”... And he thought the joke was funny...!!” (Dreamy sigh)

And, at that instant my friend needed a tissue. (No, not to wipe her tears at my sweet love story, but to wipe her chocolate-stained hands.) So, I dutifully fish for tissues in my seemingly-small-but-surprisingly-large hand bag... And, then I thoughtfully also dig out my hand-sanitizer... My friend, in the meanwhile, spies my new perfume and asks to try it... And as I pull out the bottle, the lady opposite me comments, “You have EVERYTHING in that bag don’t you...?!” And, as I fake-smile at her, I think to myself, “This woman sure is nosy!”

Undeterred, she goes on... “Are you by ANY chance so-and-so’s daughter?”
I am mortified, and embarrassed, and bewildered, and shocked, and stunned, and astounded and amazed, and SPEECHLESS...
Slowly, I reply, “Yes, I am!” and think... “Oh! Sweet Lord! I wonder how much she has heard... WHO is this nosy woman... AND how on earth does she know ME... More importantly she knows MY MOTHER???!!!”

My latter doubts were cleared as she offered me explanations... But I don’t think I will ever know the answer to my first question. I hope I NEVER have to find out...

Well, don’t worry, my disbelief and embarrassment did not last very long... As soon as I had gotten off the train (and away from “Aunty”), I found the whole situation quite hilarious... And, I couldn’t stop laughing till I reached home.

I even greeted my mum with a silly grin as I entered... When she asked me the reason, I thought it best to tell her... Of course she received lesser details than even what I have revealed in this post!
I expected an outburst... “Hai Daiyya! Log kya sochenge... Kalmoohi, Namakool... Tumne hamare khandaan ka naam mitti mein mila diya...”

But none came... She seemed to have gotten over it quite quickly and seemed to be more interested in the colour of “Aunty’s” saree and the number of bangles she had worn...
Well, I was lucky... You might not be... So, true or not, it would do you good to remember “Six Degrees of Separation”.

Beware!!

A Reflection of the Real You...

2008-10-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

The sparkling twinkle your mirth does reveal
And your anger in the gaze as cold as steel

The closed, drawn look mirrors your fears
And sorrow reflects in the hint of tears

The earnest look lets your sincerity shine through
And when you look away, your lies are evident too

With every look you draw inspiration
Memorising images that fuel your imagination

And when, at the horizon, you dreamily stare
You envision your future, send out a silent prayer

Your emotions, wishes & worries clear for all to see
Through this window to your soul
Because a reflection of the real you lies
in the never ending depth of your eyes...

Carpe Diem - Seize the Day!

2008-10-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

These are rules I hope I am strong enough to live by:

Take a chance
Try a whirlwind romance,
Learn a new recipe, language, dance...

Make a difficult choice,
Listen to your inner voice,
Let your hair loose, have fun, make some noise!

Do something new
Talk, listen, discuss, argue
Change your point of view

From the beaten path walk astray
Explore the little known, scenic way

Take a risk,
Life doesn’t always offer a quick fix...

Get a little crazy, do something unwise,
Drop that sensible guise,
Carpe Diem, Live Life King Size!!!

P.S.
Yeh world hai na world, is mein do tarah le log hote hai, ek woh jo saari zindagi mein ek hi kaam karte hai, aur doosre woh jo ek hi zindagi mein saare kaam kar dete hai...

Lines (from a movie, of course!) that made me realise that there is much more to life beyond the routine, words that inspired me to break free of the monotony, thoughts that made me aspire to LIVE my life... A dialogue that, at the time, inspired me to enthusiastically start off on yet another rhyme-spree...

Ironic as it maybe, this poem was left incomplete and almost forgotten, until I read the post of a fellow blogger and close friend. I suddenly recollected my unfinished verse as I commented on the well written, thoughtful post and I quote a favourite saying of mine -
“When you look back on your life, you will not regret the things that you did, but the things you did not do.”

And as I ended my comment with the words “Carpe Diem”, I knew I had to finish the poem... And so I did, so I might have no regrets... :-)

The Mad Medley!

2008-09-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

I wonder where I am, lost in a gloom,
A thick fog swirls and dark clouds loom,
But in the blink of an eye I am in a bright sunny room!

I push aside the lace curtains and a gorgeous garden greets me,
Flowers of every imaginable colour my eyes devour with glee,
But inexplicably the petals fall away and frightfully i flee...

I reach the edge of a towering cliff,
I hear the lashing rages of the sea, i smell the salty whiff...
Frozen in fear I am, unable to move, I stand stiff.

I fall then, slowly and I glide across the globe.
Sights i have always wanted to see, I eagerly probe...
But someone seems to be dragging me by the helm of my robe...

I find myself shoved into a forest - thick, dark and dense,
And then out of the blue I see the white of a picket fence...
All this medley makes no sense!

With a jolt I awaken from my dream,
thanks to the irksome summons of the alarm & my mum's scream!
To a mind rested with slumber so real it did seem...

Ideas, incidents, feelings and facts I keep
In my mind, tucked away in recesses deep
And they come awake while i blissfully SLEEP!

The Brilliance of a Hidden Diamond

2008-09-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Triumph shared, in defeat crushed alone
Praise for all, criticism is your own
Joys spread, sorrows singularly borne
Expectations of others, regrets to you only known

Efforts by many, passion yours alone
Moments spent with others, cherished memories your own
Doubts cast by all, hope in you sown
Dejection crippled many, ambition and dreams yours to hone

The world blind to the inner zone
The real side to all, but us, unknown
Stones everywhere, but a hidden diamond brilliantly shone
Lost in a crowd, a PERSON grown

Mama Told Me Don't Be Talking to a Stranger...

2008-08-09T01:01:00.000-07:00

I met a stranger today. Since I don’t live in a sappy romantic movie, it wasn’t love at first sight with a tall dark handsome hunk. And, since I don’t live in an action packed thriller novel, my life wasn’t hurled into a series of unfortunate events. I live in fact in enchanting reality – a medley of emotions, a sequence of precious moments, a rollercoaster ride of highs & lows. I live in a reality where time is rare & trust rarer. I live in a reality where life often passes us by in a blur. I live in reality – and it is this fact that makes a chance encounter and polite conversation with an utter stranger noteworthy. And Reality looks something like this...

I wait for 20 minutes, amidst a weary crowd, for the local train to arrive so that the next 30 minutes of my travel are a tad more comfortable. And as I wait patiently, I watch 5 trains go by – all brimming with people. People alight and just as many board the train, all seem lost in their thoughts. All seem to look and none see, all hear but none listen... I wonder at this thought as I bound into my train. Here too hardly a word passes between strangers. Even when necessity forces people to talk to each other, the exchange has only precise words with measured courtesy. Marvelling at how we so literally took our mothers when they told us sternly, “Don’t talk to strangers”, I fall into a fitful sleep.

I alight half an hour later at the bustling suburb I call home. If you thought that siblings could only be separated at the Kumbh Mela, you obviously haven’t been here during “peak hours”. You can lose yourself in this crowd. Without any effort you will be propelled forward by the sheer energy in this throng of thousands (which is a euphemism for saying “you will be nudged and pushed until you have no option but to move with the crowd”). And here, even if you wish to disobey your mother’s instructions, you will be unable to do so!

As you finally step out onto the road, you barely have a minute to drag in a deep breath as you instantly have to begin dodging traffic. And as you, along with hundred others, vie for the attention of the auto drivers, all civility and common courtesy is lost.

And in a cruel world like this, to actually exchange a smile with a fellow fatigued traveller is as likely as Mumbai not getting flooded after even a drizzle. And in the rare mood that I was, I smiled sympathetically to another stranded victim of Mumbai’s transport system. The smile was returned and followed by a question, “Which way are you headed?” I answered and threw in a question of my own, “What about you?”

As it turned out we were headed in the same direction, so we decided that 2 is better than 1 when it comes to tackling the arrogant autowallahs. Our combined efforts paid off and soon we were on our way, relieved to be bumping over the familiar potholes rather than wading through them. The stranger heaved a sigh of respite and I grinned in response and then we were talking – what we do, where we live, work and studies, the pain of travelling in Mumbai till the stranger’s home arrives...

And after that spontaneous conversation I couldn’t help but smile... We may never see each other again, hidden in this mob of millions but if we do I know that we will at least stop to smile.

Now I marvel at the amazing feeling of sharing an instant connection with another person – a knowing smile, a kind word, an unexpected compliment, a helping hand, an encouraging look, a reassuring pat, or a conversation with a complete stranger...

Banishing Boredom...

2008-07-04T02:12:00.000-07:00

I now seem to be best pals with boredom
My constant companion it has become

It accompanies me in every waking moment
Thanks to it I know many a meaningless thing
Like the capital of Uzbekistan is Tashkent!

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
Denotes a deep fear of long words
It is boredom who introduced me to this ironic idea

But, Boredom can be quite the opposite of fun
It has the knack of depressing me
Nothing seems interesting, good cheer comes undone

Boredom is the restlessness in my fingers
As I flick buttons on the TV remote
So that no channel lingers

Boredom is the curiosity in my mind
As I flip to the end of the book prematurely
A happily ever after to hopefully find

Boredom is the constant distraction
That makes me stare at the computer for hours
Accomplishing nothing, leading no work to completion

Boredom is the absent mindedness
That makes me twirl the telephone wire
While conversations with friends digress

I’ve had enough of this
Be gone oh Boredom!
If it is to be it is up to me, I realize
The day will be what I want it to become

The pen is mightier than the sword they say
I pick it up to fight away my once friend – now nemesis
I will not sit idle – I will make the most of my day
Goodbye to boredom, there will no longer be ignorant bliss.

Befriending Boredom...

2008-07-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

I wake up each morning in ignorant bliss
I know not what the day will become,
I am neither happy nor am I glum.

I have nothing to look back on;
I have nothing to look forward to…
I go through the motions, knowing not what to do

I have naught on my agenda –
I take things as they come; I go with the flow
I have neither wish nor will, neither worry nor woe

I live in the present moment;
I live for the present moment…
I care not for the troubles of the world…

No thoughts flow to the future;
I do not make a single plan…
I don’t know where the day will end; I don’t know where it began!

No thoughts stray to the past;
In nostalgia I do not wallow,
Some unkonwn, uncharted path I seem to unconciously follow

In music I seek solace,
In meaningless chatter I find comfort
I see no point in making any other effort…

The day passes by slowly,
Time makes an unhurried progress
Lost I am in nothingness…

Soon the light will fade;
Yet another dreary day will end
Yet another day will dawn for boredom to befriend…

Words and Words are all I have...

2008-07-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

I’m tired after a long day
Or I’m a lone traveler on a weary way
Or it’s a day of leisure and laze
Or life seems shrouded in a doleful haze.

When sleep eludes and I lie awake in bed
When stress mounts and troubles I need to shed
When I wish to see the world and travel
When life’s mysteries I wish to unravel

When new people I want to meet
To learn from their experiences so rich
When I wish to satisfy my curiosity of the unreal
To learn more about the ghoul, the ghost, the witch

When I want to be alone, yet lost in a crowd
A book provides the perfect refuge!
I escape into a new world...

My heart beats faster as villains I chase
And it skips a beat when I come across a handsome face...
I hide behind red velvet curtains and witness a ballroom dance
I sigh wistfully at a budding romance

I travel the seven seas and sometimes reach magical lands
I witness unique traditions and long lost customs
I stumble upon ghastly plots and cruel plans
I am lost in another world – dragged in by the story
Romantic, dramatic, action-packed or even gory...

Then just when I am in the midst of an engrossing episode
Events all around come to silent standstills
Everything seems to fall apart, slowly erode
As all disappears into nothingness, unease within me fills...

Confused I stare at the word that has me stumped -
Quagmire, Ostentatious, Perambulate, Juxtapose
Supercalifragilisticexpliadoious...
I could reach for a dictionary, I suppose...

The Godfather - A Happily Ever After?

2008-01-07T23:44:00.000-08:00

It’s nine in the night but Borivali still seems to be alive with activity. After all this bustling suburb is a part of Mumbai – the city that never sleeps. I’m one in the swarm of people jamming the side walks and even spilling onto the roads. Walking with my friend, my eyes are fixed on the cover of ‘the Sicilian’ rather than the road ahead – where it should rightly be, to watch out for potholes, open drains or heaps of dirt and to avoid bumping into weary people. I have just finished reading Mario Puzo’s bestseller ‘The Godfather’, and The Sicilian takes us back in time to explore Michael Corleone’s time in exile. The back cover raves ‘One of the 10 best books of the year… Mario Puzo remains America’s most popular storyteller…’ As you open the book you are hit with more rave reviews by reputed dailies. And glancing at all this I wonder if it has a happy ending…

I give voice to my thoughts. I turn to my friend who is intently weaving her way through the crowd while I tag along and ask her, ‘Does it have a Happy Ending?’ She seems confused and I assume it is because of the immense confusion all around – people push past, hawkers shout out to draw attention to their wares, buses honk, rickshaw drivers seem to be out on a suicide mission, dogs and even horses pass us by. Sympathetically I oblige her by repeating my query – does the Sicilian have a happy ending?

She appears even more puzzled now and fixes me with a stare that obviously conveys her disbelief. She stares at me for a while like I have completely lost my mind then dissolves into hysterical fits of laughter like she has lost her mind. When she eventually regains her composure she asks me with a straight face –‘why, do you think the Godfather has a happy ending?’ Yes, I simply state, and then, for some reason unfathomable to me, she bursts out laughing again. I patiently wait for her to recover. When she does sober down she explains to me with a simplicity and tolerance one would use when dealing with a toddler, that “This is a book a about mafia dons not tall dark handsome heroes. It’s about a battle for survival and a fight to remain at the top not a silly story where the only fights involved are Lovers’ tiffs. The book’s clever plot involves many events often gruesome; it’s not a ridiculous romance novel where the only complication is a Love triangle… It’s a book about conspiracy and revenge and honour and loyalty, not a romantic saga about love, wedded bliss and happily ever afters…” She states very matter-of-factly ‘these are simply not happily-ever-afters’. Well I beg to differ… Now it is my turn to stare at her like she is from outer space.

It is my dear friend’s opinion that no other book with the exception of those in the category of Mills-and-Boon can be adjudged as having a happy or sad ending and with all due respect to her point of view, I feel that’s a load of crap. So what if the Godfather doesn’t begin with a line that reads ‘Once upon a time in a land that was far far away but was pristine and beautiful, there lived a kind old don who was lovingly called the Godfather…’? I argue that it is quite possible for every novel to be adjudged as happily-ever-after or vice versa. To illustrate my point I compliantly explain to her why I think the Godfather has a Happy Ending:

To begin with, I explain to her what the concept of “Happily Ever After” truly means… Thanks to Wikipedia I can very succinctly and comprehensively do so – “the cliché ‘happily ever after’ a state‘in which all the good characters have emerged victorious and all the evil characters have been punished”, I inform her. And isn’t that what happens in the book?

(Disclaimer: The text ahead contains spoilers. For those who haven’t as yet read this Absolutely-Must-Read Novel I strongly suggest that you stop here. I know it would mean missing out on the pleasure of reading my very excellent writing… But The Godfather is worth it!)

The book begins by detailing the supreme reign of the Godfather, moves on to describe his downfall and the stunning recovery. The godfather rules his kingdom with a hand of steel but a heart of gold. While some dread his very name others swear by it. An unexpected turn of events leads to some very unpleasant developments. However Michael Corleone, the black sheep of the family, takes charge of the situation. He successfully wages and wins the war to avenge the misfortunes of the family and restores it to its former glory. There seems to be some quandary with the women of the house but even those are easily put to rest. Thus Michael, the new Godfather, has proved his mettle and derailed his detractors. With adequate support from his Consigliore, Tom Hagen, Michael seems set to rule the world.

Well, the Sr. Mr. Godfather does die – but he passes away while enjoying his grandson’s antics on a beautiful spring day at a very ripe old age. And let’s be realistic, a novel does require adequate amount of drama and anyways the writer had to make way for Michael to take over, right…

Thus to sum it up, Michael Corleone, the new, shrewd Godfather, reigns over a promising dynasty, with the support of his faithful followers, a loving wife, adorable kids and a close knit family… And they all live happily ever after!!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-07T23:41:00.000-08:00

Well you know what they say - Better Late than Never right!

so, here's my New Year Wishes,

This New Year,

May you fulfill all that you have avowed.

May you spot the silver linings to the darkest cloud.

May your every effort be met with success.

May you make many new acquaintances,

And May old friends remain true.

May prosperity and joy forever be with you!

May you find more reasons to smile,

May you make every Moment Worthwhile!

May you always find hope and cheer,

Wish you the Happiest New Year!

Waiting for Santa...

2007-12-29T04:36:00.000-08:00

I remember scenes of a time long past -
Memories of a far away winter night,
As my parents wish me sweet dreams,
Instructing me to sleep tight!
They carefully tuck me in and give me a peck on my cheek,
I pretend to have dozed off but I am still aware
As the lights go off & the door closes with a creak.

It’s Christmas time - the merry festive season,
And I can barely sleep – Santa is the reason!
I can’t wait to draw the curtains and sneak a peep,
But I know I have to patiently wait till my parents are asleep!

My fidgety eyes glance around the dark room -
To check that all is in order - Santa will be visiting soon.
The adorned tree first I admire,
Decked with trinkets in red, gold and sapphire!
With pretty wreaths and bells the walls are decorated,
An angel watches over the solemn crib, while Santa’s arrival is eagerly awaited.
Soon, I realize that the house is quiet and dark
The only light that shines comes from the star hung in the window
On my night-long vigil I can now fearlessly embark,
My parents are finally asleep, I know!

All too soon my covers are shoved aside
And I rush to push open the drape
And behind the curtains I hide,
To stare out into the cool landscape!
I can see little lights in homes glimmering
And can hear the distant hum of a Christmas Carol
As The stars in the night sky are shimmering
I await Santa’s imminent arrival.

I tire of sitting by the window,
It's way past midnight but he still hasn’t come
I refuse to let my spirits dip low
I find other things to keep me from growing glum!
My Kitchen Set and Pretty Doll keep me busy for awhile,
Santa got me those for last Christmas, you know…
He’ll be proud of me - I’ve cared for them in style!

More time goes by with no sign of Santa,
And I soon tire of my toys.
I sneak into the kitchen to get some sweets,
I’m very careful to make no noise!
I assure myself that Santa will overlook this little act
As I slowly devour the marzipan and chocolate.
I’ve been a very good girl all year round – and that’s a fact!
I pretend to be a fairy with my sheets draped around me,
But that doesn’t keep me busy for too long.
I wonder what I should do next while I wait for Santa…
I sing a few Carols, hum a happy song!

But that doesn’t lift my spirits…
Soon I’m too weary but Santa still isn’t here…
I lose the battle against sleep and my tired eyes given in.
I lose myself in a fretful dream – Santa won’t come I fear.

Every Christmas eve till I was 11 years old was spent quite the same way. I’d first frantically wait for my parents to fall asleep and then I’d wait frantically for Santa to arrive on his sleigh with Rudolph the red-nose reindeer leading the entourage of reindeers! I’d imagine Santa, in his bright red suit with his bright red big goodie bag, trying to squeeze through the box-grills that protected our windows -not half as exciting as shimmying down a chimney, I agree! But unfortunately sleep would arrive before Santa each year.

In the mornings, however, I’d wake to the sounds of Christmas carols and my parents cooing “Merry Christmas” to me. And the first sights that I would take in would be my little brother happily playing with his new toys with the colourful wrapping paper littered around him. That’s when I’d realise happily that Santa had not given our humble home a miss this year! I really must’ve been a good girl!

Now, however, that I am older and mature with all the wisdom gained from reading Paulo Coelho, I know how silly and futile it was to wait for Santa each Christmas.

Of course Santa isn’t real? Or is he???

I think Santa does exist… only he doesn’t live in the North Pole – he resides within each one of us – in our inherent goodness! And we don’t need to wait for Christmas in order to make someone’s day. We can do it anytime – a smile, a polite request, a heartfelt thank you, a sincere apology, a kind word, a pep talk, a silly joke, a thoughtful act, a sweet surprise… Ho! Ho! Ho!

The Order in the Chaos

2007-12-27T23:25:00.000-08:00

Dan Brown’s audacious book, The Da Vinci Code, is a fast paced thriller that has captivated audiences, capturing their imagination and catapulting them into an adventurous medley of history and mystery. But of all the speculation the book brought to the fore and of all the far-fetched long-forgotten theories it brought back into the limelight, there was one line that seemed to hold an infinite truth - “For all the chaos in the world, there is an undying order.” And who better to vouch for this fact than a person who has spent a few years travelling by Mumbai’s most trusted and over burdened mode of transport – the trains.

Chaos – utter disorder – is not hard to imagine when you are travelling in a local train especially during “peak” hours when millions of office goers are packed in compartments like sardines in a tin. And will it be too hard to imagine the chaos that might prevail in the Ladies compartment?

Station after station women, weary with the world, hop on before the train can halt completely. Their only hope is to find an empty space sufficient to at least rest both feet firmly on the floor. Frazzled women eager to get to work or home to their families and chores make a beeline for the exit in a bid to scramble off before the train resumes its somnolent journey.

Once inside the chaotic medley is unmatched. Women will be standing in every nook and cranny available and in positions that even expert acrobats would find it hard to imitate. It is nearly impossible to move without upsetting another’s balance and without dropping something. And what makes this disarray even more interesting are the number of activities that are accomplished despite the crowd and such activity only adds to the chaos – appointments will be fixed; children will be placated; maids and husbands will receive their instructions; weekends will be planned; many will doze on their neighbour’s shoulder; hawkers will somehow find their way in the melee and there will always be those who will haggle with them; office work and even household chores (like cutting vegetables and knitting!) will be attended to; prayers will be muttered; food will be eaten; many will read or listen to music or solve crossword puzzles; gossip will fly; fights will erupt; and the din will be overbearing.

Amidst the jostling and the jeering, the yanking and the yelling, there is an inherent order that can only be spotted by a few - either the astute observer (who is involved in none of the aforementioned activities) or the seasoned traveller or the truly bored yet imaginative (yours truly)! As a service to the general, unsuspecting public let me introduce you to some of these very elaborate, seemingly chaotic but exceeding orderly procedures…

The doorways will always seem to be cramped with women in the most haphazard manner. Yet there is an age-old and unbreakable code of alighting and boarding the train. Only half the exit will be used for such purposes at a given station while the other half will be occupied by women queuing to exit at the next station. This alternate pulsing in the flow of traffic in the compartment continues till either the crowd has thinned considerably or the train reaches its destination. Usually it is the latter that is first to come about.

And that is not all. There are elaborate rituals when it comes to queuing to exit at a particular station. When the compartments are jam-packed leaving barely enough space to squeeze through, women have a typical manner in which they make their way to the exit. This usually involves systematically tapping the shoulders of those already stranded in the corridors ahead of oneself and enquiring if they too have lined up to exit at the said destination. If they are, then one carefully positions oneself behind them and makes a general enquiry if all those ahead of them will also be alighting at the same said destination. This, of course, is a thoughtful query to avoid even further confusion when the said destination does arrive. This should not be misunderstood as an implication of the enquirer’s superior judgement.

If, however, the poor trapped soul has to alight at a destination after your own, then the efforts begin to painfully move ahead while the said person struggles to move out of harm’s way in a less obstructive place (if there might be such a place). One follows this process of tapping-enquiring-struggling-to-push-past process till one encounters another who has to alight at the same said destination as oneself.

While on the issue of alighting let me enlighten you as to what the official rules state. “Allow passengers to alight first” is the norm laid down and expected to be followed. But it is a known fact that the dynamics change dramatically when, during peak hours, the train is pulling into its final junction and is set to take off again to another destination after a brief halt. Everyone knows the unspoken law of the land, where passengers waiting to alight have to remain relegated to a corner out of harm’s way while others board, nay bound and leap, into the train while rushing to grab prime seats.

There is also a different set of etiquette for “reserving” or, as is known in local parlance, “claiming” seats. As the train gets crowded and seats meant for 3 are occupied by 4 passengers (a matter of seconds during peak hours after the bounding and leaping). The ladies left standing (read: Ancient art of balancing) begin the systematic ritual of “claiming” seats. This system is so inherent and prevalent that often verbal cues are redundant. The code of conduct while claiming seats is simple. One always begins from the prime seats (near the window on the “breezy” side) and makes one’s way methodically towards the lesser-favoured ones. Attention is sought by taps and jabs and sometimes, though extremely rarely, a polite “excuse me”. Next one simply points at the recipient of the tap or jab and the person replies (often grunts) their destination.
The often unspoken deal is struck if 2 conditions in the prescribed order are satisfied – 1) The person seated will alight at a destination before oneself and 2) one will receive sufficient time to catch up on some sleep after being seated & before one has to alight. The deal is sealed, again, by non-verbal cues. Usually the cue involves pointing to one’s self and then to the owner of the seat implying that one will occupy the seat once the person seated vacates it. Very rarely is a smile exchanged between the jabber and the jabbee, though it is known to happen.

Friend circles are formed among those with similar interests or backgrounds – harrowed working women, college girls, or members of the same society or workplace. These groups often indulge in one or more of the aforementioned activities. But in addition to that, these groups are also known to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries (with food and drinks et al), sing songs and hymns, play activist roles whose agendas may be as varied as allotment of seats or the functioning of fans or the more profound moral policing.

There are other patterns and peculiarities that emerge in this daily affair of travelling by trains. Women, protective of their accessories, will stow away their jewellery and stoles and scarves safely in their bags. No sooner do they get seats (usually after leaping and bounding or following the rules of “claiming”) than the meticulous process of dressing up begins!

There are also enough displays of compassion to restore your faith in humanity. The way women who are standing inside the compartment assist the ladies stranded in the passageway by taking their bags and stowing them on the overhead racks is touching. And when a kind lady offers her precious seat to another tired one it just stirs your heart.

The pattern in the peculiarities and the method in the madness is evident when one looks closely –, the unique rules of boarding or alighting, the elaborate system of “claiming” seats, the myriad of pursuits accomplished, in the deft tactics employed in making one’s journey a mite more comfortable... Indeed, the order in the chaos exists in the entire gamut of minute manoeuvres that ensue when travelling by our beloved trains!

The Perfect Vase - Someone Somewhere is Made For You!

2007-12-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

“Someone somewhere is made for you” – a cliché that has been the theme of many a mushy movie, an idea that has inspired several soppy stories, a wistful promise that many of us unknowingly hold onto…The cliché further inspires another stereotype – that elusive “someone” who is in hiding “somewhere” but is yet perfectly “made for you” always conjures up romantic reveries. The tall-dark-and-handsome; the damsel-in-distress; the strong-and-silent.

When, however, this age-old truism is rationally analysed, what it reflects is the basic concept of compatibility. It conveys a hope that there is in fact one person, in this multitude of millions, who complements and completes you. So who has defined criteria for such people? Why is it that in most cases this dictat is linked to romance?

Quite often that mysterious “someone” could be a person one has always known – a parent, a friend, a relative, a neighbour, a pet… Like, for example, when we set out in search of that perfect vase – the one you’ve always dreamed of – the one that you’ve always pictured in your mind as being ideal for that spot on the mantle. You set out in search of that elusive vase and return disappointed because you find not a single piece of ceramic or metal that meets your notion of that perfect vase. Then one day, while you are rummaging through stuff you already own, you stumble upon this ornate picture frame – a long forgotten gift. A gift that now seems, to your eyes, so pretty and amazing that you cannot imagine why you ever thought less of it. You turn it around in your hands, holding it carefully, like someone would cradle a new-born or a rare solitaire, and revel in its ornate exquisiteness. And just as a sudden shaft of light brightens the darkest of corners, realisation dawns on you, and you walk up to the mantle and delicately arrange the frame there, your mind has already absorbed the perfect fit and is now imagining which lucky picture would be brought to life in the magnificence of that lovely frame, once just a casual part of your existence but now the light of your home and joy of your heart!!!

On the other hand, that “someone” may not be readymade for you – one may have to tailor the relationship as it comes along... Like, for instance, the skilled mason who brings to your home his incredible skill and expertise yet listens to your every whim and fancy about the vase you wish to have. He offers his advice and sometimes you take it. Sometimes you don’t and he gives in. Finally he moulds the clay and brings to you the vase – you take one look at it and know that YES! This is it! Your proposal and his proficiency, your vision and his work, your heart and his hands – a few compromises, some synergy and Voila! We have the perfect Vase!!!

And a few may find an instant match…Someone who understands you to the deepest recesses of your mind and heart… like that perfect vase you find unexpectedly, the one you’ve always dreamed of to adorn your house, the one that you know will fit so perfectly on the mantle and will blend into the fabric of your home so seamlessly yet its inherent beauty will make it stand out from the rest of the furniture and ornaments that bedeck your house. The perfect vase, the one with the stunning curves, painted that perfect deep shade of red, with an intricate design carved into its smooth surface oh! So delicately! The perfect vase, the one that enlivens the atmosphere around you, that charges the air with an inescapable energy, the one that brightens your day, the one whose vibrant hues fill your heart and home with happiness, that perfect vase – with a deep shade of red, a red that stands for passion and symbolises a never ending love!

At the end of it all, it really does not matter who your soulmate is – just the knowledge and discovery of that one special person who understands you to the depths of your heart. I do hope that each of us find ourselves our own Perfect Vases and when that happens, to borrow lines from a famous movie (Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot), – reach out and grab the person with both hands and don’t let go! May you find the “someone somewhere who is made for you” –and may you live happily ever after!

Discovering the Adventure in Every Moment...

2007-12-04T02:21:00.000-08:00

I always did hold it against the Powers That Be for depriving me of An Adventure of a Lifetime……

The day will go down in History as one of the most disastrous ones as Mumbai drowned in the furious deluge of Biblical proportions. Thousands of Mumbaiittes waded through chest deep water, walked for miles and spent the night on any nook and cranny of the city that wasn’t being choked with muddy water. I, on the other hand, got the last train out (before all services came to a standstill as water seeped onto the tracks). I waded through only calf-deep water and got back home while the phone lines were still functioning and electricity still powered the TV set to announce “Breaking News” of the mayhem that was just beginning to unfold. On the bright side, I did get soaked to the bone because I had unwittingly chosen this day to leave my umbrella peacefully resting on the window sill back home. But even this little silver lining around the large big black clouds (some of which were bursting with rain and submerging the city) waned when I realised that I missed my “adventure” by a mere seconds - one second too late and I would have been stranded like all the million others who did get their adventure (though none of them shared my enthusiasm, I suspect!).

However, a wise old man managed to swing my perceptions. “Adventure”, the great one quote with a great insight, “is not outside a man, but within him”. And in a flash I realised that in my pursuit of that ONE life-altering adventure I was ignoring the many little things around me that were just as exciting. In hoping for a night where I would skirt danger, win millions of rupees and find the love of my life (sounds quite like a movie, I admit), I was overlooking the inherent adventure in living each day.

Adventure is indeed within each of us. While for some adventure may mean sky-diving or bungee jumping, for others jumping in and out of still-moving, over-crowded local trains of Mumbai is an equally exhilarating experience. While for some white water rafting or jet skiing provides the rushes, for many others riding in auto-rickshaws over Mumbai’s many potholes, weaving in and out of heavy traffic and the occasional sudden swerve is enough to set the adrenaline pumping. While for some rock-climbing and hiking doesn’t seem like an uphill task, many others would sweat simply at the prospect of attempting to cross the roads at one of Mumbai’s many chaotic junctions.

Adventure could mean many things for many people – adventure sports, a whirlwind romance, a leisurely walk in the dead of the night, a back-packing trip across Europe, watching the kids play, wedding preparations, a trip, the miracle of birth, waking up each morning…! Indeed, life itself is a rollercoaster (Ronan Keating!) and Adventure, the pursuit of life (Daniel Roy Wiarda)!

And so I reassess my definition of adventure – scrutinising every moment of my life that I have felt a thrill or when the butterflies in my stomach stirred to life or when the adrenaline pumped so hard that I could hear nothing else over the buzz in my ear. Where I once believed an anonymous Smart Alec when he/she said “If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space”; I now adhere by Laurence Sterne’s philosophy that “A large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life, by him who interests his heart in everything.”

So just to recapture some moments that I now consider “adventures” now…

First Days – in a new class, at college, at work
Flying – the butterflies in my stomach during take-off, flying over the hills and the seas and then sailing above clouds, to the beat my heart skips when the plane jerks a bit during the landing…
Visiting a new place – a new city, suburb, or even just a restaurant
The slumber parties where we would share secrets, have heart to heart chats, cry, giggle and scare each other with outlandish stories;
Sitting at our “Haunt” with my gang of friends reliving “those days”…
The numerous games of “Truth and Dare”!
Walking in the rain in the wet fields and rescuing a stray dog – we later called “stormy”
Being stranded thanks to the rains and the not-so-reliable public transport…
The many exciting Girls Night Out
Dancing like no one’s watching – all night in Goa or at parties, or even all alone at home…
Jet Skiing and para-sailing at glistening beaches or Skiing in pristine snow…
Roller Coaster rides – feeling your insides turn and screaming because that’s the only thing you are capable of doing then!
Learning to ride the bicycle after numerous collisions into walls and tress and a thousand scrapes to the knee.
Sitting behind the wheel of a car for the first time…
The first ever scratch to the car!
The numerous near-misses – getting hit by swings, sofas and stones and of course the boiling hot water that left me a rather fascinating mark on my left arm (serves as a constant reminder of which is left and which is right!);
Crawling into dark corners and under thorny shrubs (where no one else dared for fear of snakes and other creepy crawlies) to retrieve the little rubber ball we played with.
The stress of Exams, then relieving the stress by watching the corniest movies afterwards and the imminent results later…
Sharing a smile, a compliment or even a conversation with a complete stranger!
All the movies I’ve watched with friends – sitting in dark theatres or on comfortable sofas at home, with a bowl of popcorn and laughing at the silliest of comments!!
The numerous efforts to cook a meal
Watching a nail biting cricket match – hopefully one day it’ll be in a stadium…
The silly feeling every time I discover a new Crush!

So, slow down.. stop to smell the roses and catch the beats of music and take every exciting moment of this adventure called LIFE!

Why i Write.......

2007-12-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

When my feelings seem to overflow
And my ideas need a vent
That’s when I turn to writing -
A paper and pen seem heaven sent.

I write to make known my point of view -
I have one for everything
When I want to write my many opinions
A paper and pen truly are a blessing.

I put pen to paper when I discover something new
I doodle when I have nothing else to do
I scribble when with ideas I am brimming
I describe sights and sounds that I find exciting
I jot down my silly little rhymes
My poems aren’t so bad often times
I preserve in writing lines that inspire
Writing is my outlet when life’s a quagmire

I pen my thoughts
In hopes that some day
I’ll have my way
And write a novel with twists and turns and many plots
Writing is my hobby, my saviour, my lifeline
In Writing I lose myself
And it is in writing that I find the real Me…